2. All my problems comes from my low self-esteem. : stressLess-life

All my problems comes from my low self-esteem.

As a result of my low self-esteem, I need constant validation from other people. I also try to read to deeply into little details, combined with my low self-esteem makes me believe people hate me/don’t like me/ don’t find me interesting. I’m a victim of jealousy. Also, I’m a narcissist, which doesn’t help at all because I believe everyone sees me, but just decides to not interact with me, because they don’t like me.

The deeply reading into details is probably a result of my relationships with my dad. I love him, but I don’t like him, if that makes sense. He was a person whom I both loved and feared as a child. As I’ve read, this creates a impossible dilemma for the child, making them pushing people away. I don’t think I’m going to be able to make a best friend who I can trust with my life and believe easily that they like me everyday without them having to communicate it with me indirectly/directly in this school which makes me really sad. Also any kind of reaction I think of as negative coming from people whom I weigh a lot of my self-worth from makes me unsure of my worth.

To add fuel to them flame, I also have a crush who’s above my grade. Every time I see her, I become a nervous wreck. I experienced rejection in middle school, which put a dent in my self-esteem. I tried to act above my maturity after they rejected me, trying to still be friends. I believed that they didn’t like me/ found me annoying/etc for around 5 months or so, trying to read their actions, their expression, the time it took them to reply. It only ended when I moved to another country and didn’t interact with them much anymore (the one I’m in rn).

I need a way to fix my self-esteem. Then I’ll be able to have a good, safe friendship, and a relationship if I’m lucky enough.

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