2. I’ll never escape my mental prison : stressLess-life

I’ll never escape my mental prison

I dropped out of high school in my last year. That was when I was 17. I’m now 22. And I’ve hid in my room this entire time.

All of it is because I am ugly and terrified of people. I don’t want to subject others to my face. I can’t get a job. I’ve never had a job. I’ll never ever get a job. I can’t do an interview. I can’t give my resume to a manager. I can’t deal with having my new coworkers look at my face and see my teeth for the first time and what their thoughts are gonna be about how ugly I am.

I’ll never have a friend. I’ll never have anyone to talk to. I live a life most people would be shocked to see. I am in my room 24/7 for 5 years and haven’t spoken to anyone in months. I’m used to it by now, it doesn’t hurt me anymore. It’s already hurt me as much as this lifestyle can possibly hurt me. Now it’s just numb. The day goes by in a second. I’m in bed all day everyday.

I’ll never get better. I can’t even go for a walk because I’ll have to walk past someone on the sidewalk and that’s scary… how am I gonna make friends or get a job…

People telling me I’m young doesn’t help because I was told this when I was 18, and here I am with the same problem. It also doesn’t help to hear that I just have to power through it. I can’t. I genuinely can’t. I don’t have the willpower to go and apply. I’m too terrified. I’ve tried. For years.

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