2. A stranger taught me to love myself by doing nothing and will never know. : stressLess-life
A stranger taught me to love myself by doing nothing and will never know.
I (24M) had always considered myself straight. Like all men I can see when another guy is hot but I never had a strong interest in having sex with a man. Then on a train one day I saw the most breathtaking guy (mid-20s) I had ever seen in my life. He was half-East Asian and half-Black and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It was like he was a literal masterpiece. Flawless brown skin and perfect White teeth and high cheekbones and strong jawline and toned slim body. The whole train ride was three hours and I just kept looking over at him thinking how he hit the genetic jackpot and I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
I saw in his window’s reflection he was on IG so I walked by him pretending to go to the bathroom and glanced down and saw his username. I know, I know. Weird thing to do but the man looked like paradise and I let my intrusive thoughts win. I got on my IG and went through his pictures. I was expecting him to have like 3.5 million followers and have photos of him at parties and with his girlfriend and living a life of excess and wealth but he had only had like 300 followers and his pictures were nothing. Food. His cat. A screenshot of a podcast he likes. Random things he bought like a new pair of sneakers. He had a picture of some lightbulbs on in his kitchen and one was much brighter than the other ones and the caption said something like “Guess which one is the new one? 😂”
There were no girls in his photos that you would think they’re dating. 98% of his pics were things he saw. No selfies. If it was a picture or video of him, then it was with friends or family at like a bonfire or restaurant. There were few vacation trips but nowhere fancy. Forests and hiking trails and stuff. His IG was boring. One picture I was obsessed with. It was a side video of him wearing some black above-the-knee Adidas shorts, a white tank top, those Birkenstock sandals and Nike ankle socks and straddling a bicycle. He’s smiling this million dollar smile at the camera. Don’t worry. This becomes important later.
As the weeks went by I would stalk his IG and look at his mundane photos and would always go back and look at the bike one. Girls would say he’s hot and sexy and make flirtatious comments but he never replied and I would feel a tinge of jealousy, but relief. Or maybe he was replying to them in his DMs and kept it one the low lmaoooo not sure. But then I began to question my sexuality. Was I attracted to him?
Then something happened in Hollywood. I can’t remember exactly what but some influencer was caught cheating or said something controversial. I remember I went to their IG and they had all the kinds of pics you’d expect. Wild parties and a life of luxury. I thought how people like that always have to prove to everyone how cool they are and curate this perfect life and then it clicked. That’s why I was so in love with the guy from the train. Because he was attractive but so effortless and that made him more attractive.
He wasn’t wearing flashy clothes or going on these exotic trips or curating this crazy lifestyle or showing off his relationship or his possessions or flooding his IG with selfies and entertaining videos and shit. He was just being himself like that bike photo wearing just plain clothes and TWO different labels. He had Adidas and Nike on and didn’t care but lots of people would. I realized I wanted to have his confidence to just be. Not to be funny or sexy or religious or tough or hardworking or witty or intelligent or anything. Just be, you know? He didn’t have some sort of persona or trope he was playing into. I liked him because I admired that about him.
I immediately removed all the fake ass IG photos I had posted over the years that were meant to make me look a certain way. Funny or romantic or rich or successful or whatever. Which was like 80% of them. Now I post stuff that I like instead of trying to make people like me and it feels so much better. And I’m a lot less self conscious about what people think of me online and in person. I don’t get stressed over likes and comments. It’s like a big weight off my shoulders.
Thanks to him I’m learning how to embrace me and stop trying to be who I think people want me to be. And he will probably never know any of this happened but I’m grateful for what he did without ever knowing.
submitted by /u/Hefty-Confusion6810
[link] [comments]
Related links
I want to know the mind and emotions of a man towa. I want to understand what he is thinking and feeling at any given time. I want to know what makes him happy and what makes him sad. I want to know what he fears and what motivates him. I want to know his hopes and dreams. I want to know everything about him.
Addiction Is Messy, But These Things Help Me Stay Clean
5 Ways to Use Movement (Not Exercise) to Support Your Mental Health
My Second Mother: When Someone Steps Up Like Family Never Did
just sitting silently
How to Release the Fear That Holds You Back and Keeps You Small
What Happiness Means and How I’m Boosting My Day-to-Day Joy
why am i always in one-sided relationships
Psychological behaviour of husband with his wife who failed in love before marriage
What makes you dislike yourself?
When You’re Ready for Change: You Need to Believe in Your Future Self
4 Anxiety-Calming Techniques I Wish I Used When I Freaked Out on a Plane
What type of doctors experience the most stress?
Why is it significant to overcome stress?
How I Stopped Chasing Men Who Hurt Me and Found Healthy Love : #stressless
Stay Comfortable
I have irrational thoughts that she’s better than me
Skills That You Can Learn From (A2) Trying Harder Isn\\\'t Always The Answer:stressLess-life.
How do we know what we want in our lives?
5 Simple Yet Essential Self Care Tips That Can Change Your Life
#2 . How do I stop putting my worth based on how men see me? : stressLess-life
Self love challenge - looking for a group to join!
People-Pleasers Are Liars: 3 Things We Gain When We’re Honest Instead
How to Deal With Low Moods: A 4-Step Plan to Help You Feel Better
One words to define love story Hater
does depression affect sperm quality
What is the difference between stress and emotions? The WHO has defined them as two different life skills and I am not able to make a difference.
What are some signs that show a lack of confidence in a person's speech or behavior?
Is it good to live hubby without love or marry to BF?
growing up as the only black member of a white family movie
separation anxiety mother symptoms
why self-love and self-care is important
I am very sad every day. I have decided not to live. What should I do?
why am i losing interest in things i used to love
never waste your feelings on someone who doesn't value your emotions meaning in hindi
I am very sad every day. I have decided not to live. What should I do?
Why is it significant to overcome stress?
Can-I-reduce-my-stress?
https://stressless-2021.blogspot.com/2022/06/reduce-my-stress.html
Getting Out Of A Slump
Me Exercising/dancing to Unbelievable by EMF. Not too great, but started doing this at 57 yrs......truly my inner child is coming out to play!:stressLess-life
Abandonment Issues
Increasing and practicing self worth and self love:stressLess-life
(A2) LIFE AND LOVE???:stressLess-life
Neon Genesis Evangelion and validating ones own existence:stressLess-life
Calmed myself down with loving energy.:stressLess-life
"Why do you forgive everyone but yourself?”:stressLess-life
How to accept belly fat?:stressLess-life
admiring myself all 2022 ??:stressLess-life
Self love feels so lonely:stressLess-life
Increasing and practicing self worth and self love:stressLess-life
(A2) LIFE AND LOVE???:stressLess-life
Neon Genesis Evangelion and validating ones own existence:stressLess-life
Calmed myself down with loving energy.:stressLess-life
"Why do you forgive everyone but yourself?”:stressLess-life
How to accept belly fat?:stressLess-life
admiring myself all 2022 ??:stressLess-life
Self love feels so lonely:stressLess-life
😄
" Forget the past; look forward to the future, for the best things are yet to come. ..... "
I (24M) had always considered myself straight. Like all men I can see when another guy is hot but I never had a strong interest in having sex with a man. Then on a train one day I saw the most breathtaking guy (mid-20s) I had ever seen in my life. He was half-East Asian and half-Black and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It was like he was a literal masterpiece. Flawless brown skin and perfect White teeth and high cheekbones and strong jawline and toned slim body. The whole train ride was three hours and I just kept looking over at him thinking how he hit the genetic jackpot and I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
I saw in his window’s reflection he was on IG so I walked by him pretending to go to the bathroom and glanced down and saw his username. I know, I know. Weird thing to do but the man looked like paradise and I let my intrusive thoughts win. I got on my IG and went through his pictures. I was expecting him to have like 3.5 million followers and have photos of him at parties and with his girlfriend and living a life of excess and wealth but he had only had like 300 followers and his pictures were nothing. Food. His cat. A screenshot of a podcast he likes. Random things he bought like a new pair of sneakers. He had a picture of some lightbulbs on in his kitchen and one was much brighter than the other ones and the caption said something like “Guess which one is the new one? 😂”
There were no girls in his photos that you would think they’re dating. 98% of his pics were things he saw. No selfies. If it was a picture or video of him, then it was with friends or family at like a bonfire or restaurant. There were few vacation trips but nowhere fancy. Forests and hiking trails and stuff. His IG was boring. One picture I was obsessed with. It was a side video of him wearing some black above-the-knee Adidas shorts, a white tank top, those Birkenstock sandals and Nike ankle socks and straddling a bicycle. He’s smiling this million dollar smile at the camera. Don’t worry. This becomes important later.
As the weeks went by I would stalk his IG and look at his mundane photos and would always go back and look at the bike one. Girls would say he’s hot and sexy and make flirtatious comments but he never replied and I would feel a tinge of jealousy, but relief. Or maybe he was replying to them in his DMs and kept it one the low lmaoooo not sure. But then I began to question my sexuality. Was I attracted to him?
Then something happened in Hollywood. I can’t remember exactly what but some influencer was caught cheating or said something controversial. I remember I went to their IG and they had all the kinds of pics you’d expect. Wild parties and a life of luxury. I thought how people like that always have to prove to everyone how cool they are and curate this perfect life and then it clicked. That’s why I was so in love with the guy from the train. Because he was attractive but so effortless and that made him more attractive.
He wasn’t wearing flashy clothes or going on these exotic trips or curating this crazy lifestyle or showing off his relationship or his possessions or flooding his IG with selfies and entertaining videos and shit. He was just being himself like that bike photo wearing just plain clothes and TWO different labels. He had Adidas and Nike on and didn’t care but lots of people would. I realized I wanted to have his confidence to just be. Not to be funny or sexy or religious or tough or hardworking or witty or intelligent or anything. Just be, you know? He didn’t have some sort of persona or trope he was playing into. I liked him because I admired that about him.
I immediately removed all the fake ass IG photos I had posted over the years that were meant to make me look a certain way. Funny or romantic or rich or successful or whatever. Which was like 80% of them. Now I post stuff that I like instead of trying to make people like me and it feels so much better. And I’m a lot less self conscious about what people think of me online and in person. I don’t get stressed over likes and comments. It’s like a big weight off my shoulders.
Thanks to him I’m learning how to embrace me and stop trying to be who I think people want me to be. And he will probably never know any of this happened but I’m grateful for what he did without ever knowing.
Post a Comment