2. I lost my self and on the journey : stressLess-life

I lost my self and on the journey

false

This is something that I found very hard to say, and it came to a realization that I need to change for my self. While my story is nothing of the sorts unique, I do want to share it to get it out there so If you guys want to read it it would be helpful.

I grew up being bullied, back at middle school, led my way of thinking to become very negative about myself, where I constantly looking for someone approval, coping where I should not act like myself around people, act a certain way that would be rigors the group, and hide parts of myself, being scared of rejection. Asking for help has backfired on me, as the bullying has gotten worse, speaking to my parents about it, has just put me in a place where I couldn’t see why I’ll ask for help when all it did made it get worse. Being in multiple relationships , and being cheated on has showed me that I couldn’t be love when I can’t provide things for people. Attaching myself to people and having a co pendency of people, and the fear of being abandoned. I grew a suicidal habit, due to failure in life and constantly thought it was the answer to things when things weren’t going to well.

Now I been in a 3 year relationship where me not loving myself have cause me to mess up a relationship with someone I truly care about. I’m not trying to victimize myself but I became the person that I don’t want to be and to realize that on my downfall of my relationship, showed me that if I don’t stop my cycle of hating myself and blame thing that not within my control, I would continue on and self destruct.

On 10-11-24 I started realizing my journey of self healing, to become a better person for no one other then myself cause I hate the cycle of hating myself, I don’t want to lose anymore bonds with people who truely care about me, I’m tired of the anxiety feeling that the worst case scenario is going to happen.

It going to be a hard journey that I need to learn to jot avoid my problems and cope with the negative way I have before but to do better at it

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