2. What is holding you back from loving yourself : stressLess-life

What is holding you back from loving yourself

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I struggled with self love all my life and I’m only just starting to tap into actual self love. I wanted to share what used to hold me back.

First of all, not believing that I deserve love was making it impossible to ever start loving myself. I didn’t believe anyone, including myself, could ever love me. Because I felt ashamed of who I was, what I looked like, what I did, just everything about me. I always looked away from myself.

So my first approach to loving myself was improving myself, but these things are not equal. I worked out, I read a lot of books on how to be a better person and it did make me feel better, but I still didn’t magically love myself. Because really, all of that was a distraction from the truth that I felt undeserving of it. That doesn’t mean that you should stop improving yourself. But your mindset has to change from “I will love myself if I did this” to “I will do this because I love myself”. Because you are deserving of all the good effects that come into your life from working out or improving yourself in any other way, you are doing this good thing for yourself. You take care of yourself.

Second of all, it is important to differentiate self love from the effects of inferiority complex. This may sound silly at first, but trying to cope with an inferiority complex can actually give you that toxic kind of confidence that makes you try forcing yourself to believe that you are actually better and superior to others. This is because effectively attacking an inferiority complex is so difficult. It’s hard work and unconsciously people might make the decision that if they feel inferior to everyone, the obvious solution must be to instead feel superior to everyone. The truth is that this is not a place of self love at all. Instead of believing that you deserve everything for yourself because you are you, you will have really negative thoughts about others to make you feel better in the short term. In the long run, this will not get you to love yourself at all. It’s important to cultivate a positive, abundant safety net of self-love to put a stop to this.

Lastly, accepting your past is important. Whatever it is you feel ashamed of, to let it go you must accept that this is how things were at that time. Your past is what brought you here, and simply you trying to love yourself today shows you came very far and I’m proud of you for that. You should be too. This is not an easy journey. You have to give your past self some credit because at that time, you didn’t know what you know now. You did everything to get through as best as you can, and you are here now. No matter what you went through, you are here and that’s what matters.

Another thing that held me back was believing that if someone else could love me, I could love myself too. But waiting around or looking for that kind of love from an empty place inside does not work. The relationship is not going to last and might even be unhealthy to you or them. You probably heard this before, but it’s truly important to love yourself before you try loving someone else. And even having people love you will not change anything unless you are ready to receive that love. I had made so many friends in the past and even some relationships that lasted a little but I was never ready to believe that they truly loved and cared for me, because if not even I did those things for myself, how could they?

I hope you can all get some inspiration from these things, it’s important to acknowledge these struggles first in order to be ready to receive that self love in the first place. Good luck 🫶

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