2. Don’t like that I get really happy when I receive validation from external sources. What to do? : stressLess-life

Don’t like that I get really happy when I receive validation from external sources. What to do?

false

I have a problem.

After a recent breakup, I’ve been trying to gain a sense of love and worth for myself through ME and not others. But I noticed that when I get attention from guys, my mood gets better. For example, I was feeling sad about the breakup with my ex but as soon as a guy started talking to me, my mood shifted and I felt a lot better, bc I felt wanted. It was like a blanket of cloud just got lifted from my brain. And I stopped thinking about my ex. Well kinda, bc I know it will come back.

I don’t like the fact that my mood instantly gets better when I receive attention from others. I want to get over my ex and work on my self worth by working on myself through intrinsic validation not external. Although I’m not seeking external validation, when I get it I get very happy. I wish I could give myself that happiness on my own. I try and sometimes it works but most times it doesn’t. Not this instantly or not for this long.

When I get attention from other guys I temporarily forget about my ex. So is that a good thing? Or is that a distraction? Is that how I let go? I feel like it’s cheating and taking the easy way out and not solving the root cause of my problem. Will I heal and forget my ex properly if I enjoy these types of attention?

It’s not even a flirty attention. It’s just him wanting to play games with me.

The weird thing is, I’m not worried about not being able to find another guy in the future. Idk why but I am confident that I can find another guy if I want to but I’m not confident in being able to get over my ex. I’m also not worried about being alone. I don’t get lonely easily so I don’t mind being single in the future as long as I can get over my ex. So idk why I’m having such a hard time letting go of my ex.

I’m so attached to him and I’m struggling to detach. Maybe it’s because he treated me like how I wanted my mom to treat me when I grew up. Because as weird as it sounds, I felt a motherly love from him during our relationship. Maybe he showed me love that I didn’t give myself. I know I’ll always care for him and hope the best for him but it also pains me when I think about him potentially being with another girl. I find myself thinking bad thoughts and hoping he won’t be happy with a new girl but then at the end of the day it would absolutely crush me if he wasn’t happy and was suffering so I take those thoughts back and just cry.

I feel lethargic and tired despite all the naps I take because I’m constantly trying to reframe my thoughts so that I’m not putting myself down, or I’m consoling myself that it’s okay to feel the way I do. It takes a lot of my mental energy.

I am seeing improvement in other aspects of my life though. Like I am more confident at my workplace, I have better communication by being more authentic, i am able to set healthier boundaries, and overall, I care less about what other people think.

But not my ex.

Anyways, I’m just writing here because I want a therapist but can’t afford it so maybe someone can tell me something lol

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