2. My self esteem is so low. How can I fix it? : stressLess-life

My self esteem is so low. How can I fix it?

false

My self esteem is so so so low. I don’t know why. It makes me angry to know that I don’t know my own worth. I feel like I’m worth so much more than what I put up with and what I go through and I feel like my family and family friends see that, but I feel like outsiders don’t see that and they treat me like sh*t? I don’t know why its so hard for me to make connections outside my inner circle.

But then I also engage in behaviors that I’m not proud of and which isn’t a reflection of my worth. Some stuff I involved myself in, sending and selling explicit pictures/content of myself on snapchat for money (w privacy 🧿🧿🧿). I got in legal trouble at 17 for st**ling 🧿🧿🧿. I got assaulted by a guy who worked at Goldman Sachs, and wasn’t in a relationship with me and he was so disrespectful to me I felt violated. I was bullied from elementary through high school. I was also a special needs student so I was prone to get “picked on” by the smart kids🧿🧿🧿.Girls are literally so mean to me. This girl hated my guts and literally tried to steal all my family’s assets 🧿🧿🧿.

This girl was basically dating that guy who abused me. She would constantly make comments like "| be shting on btches" "btches have to be careful with me" or "btches be dumb" or "i be violating btvhes" " I be ending btches" "btches wish they were me" and that she gets guys and how girls wish they were her. She calls her male partners “assets" where she sets girls up with her boyfriends (assets like she mentioned earlier) and then those guys steal financial resources from the girls family.

Her comments made me feel super uncomfortable. And she did in fact did all the things she mentioned to me. And she did all this to me because I gave her an unintentional back massage when I was 15 and she was 18. She yelled at me and told me to back off, I got very teary eyed and apologized, but she didn't accept it. And she set me up with one of her "assets" She's very egocentric like todays rappers are. I feel violated, humiliated and just insecure. I've never been called such words i'm the sweetest person in the world and the fact people make me seem like l'm that, is disgusting.

Like why am I always put in situations where my worth is diminished. It makes me angry when people don’t see my worth. Its like My family has assets they’re educated they’re smart all my family friends are becoming doctors, engineers and lawyers. And then my family suffers because of some dumb rich crackhead. Like why can’t I find my own people? That respect me and see my worth? I want to be successful and happy too. I’m a business major and I feel terrible that I’m not smart as my family friends.

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