2. I had this sudden realization that the reason im not getting anywhere i want to in my life is deep down i dont practice real self love and i think as soon as self love starts that changes but i dont know how : stressLess-life

I had this sudden realization that the reason im not getting anywhere i want to in my life is deep down i dont practice real self love and i think as soon as self love starts that changes but i dont know how

false

Im 24M, virgin (may seem like a weird start but itll make sense later on), just graduated college, jobless but not for long

Ive been thinking about my issues with dating recently and as much as id like to believe ive accomplished a lot in my life to make me suitable idk if i really allow myself to accept it but honestly and realistically.

All things i dont like to admit but i believe from time to time; I think im ugly, i think very few people like me, i compare myself to others way too much, i avoid people out of fear of rejection, and i struggle with not calling myself a loser.

BUT I used to be a drug addict. I am no longer. I was a high school drop out. I graduated from a great university. Ive gone through horrible traumas sexual assault, verbal abuse, divorced household (my parents not me lmao), suicidal ideation. Still here💪. I have competed in combat sports. I worked as an EMt for a bit. i feel like these things have to mean something and generally boost my confidence that ive done them.

But in the grand scheme of things i believe my personal struggles dont increase my value in the eyes of others because they wont know about that stuff. So it leads to this grey area for me where i know i have inner strength but because im 24 and a virgin and my only sexual experience has been horrible i feel behind. Because i had so much school trouble making me want to get out sooner then later, i never did internships and feel behind professionally also making me feel like a loser. Right now im jobless but only because im waiting to get my CPT cert because i like fitness and only recently got out of college. I can wait as i have good support from some family since they know the work i put in to stay afloat.

But with that being said. This dissonance between what i believe and what i feel is making me believe i try way to hard too impress people to the point of what might appear to be cockiness. Deep down i yearn for love of any kind and have experienced very little. But that yearning leads to what i call desperate cockiness because i am desperate for someone to seee my worth. I dont think i am better then anyone. But i want someone to like me so i can go to their place and cuddle and tell them how beautiful they are lol.

But as long as i dont truly believe in myself or conversely try to hard to cover that i believe people will think im awkward, cocky or both. How do i break free?

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