2. I’m lost I need help and I feel at rock bottom : stressLess-life

I’m lost I need help and I feel at rock bottom

https://ift.tt/H4MLawl

For reference: I’m 28 years old I still live my parents, and I feel like my life is going nowhere and downhill fast. My girlfriend broke up with me because I had an emotional breakdown where I hit a chair and was angry with myself and she didn’t feel safe and she felt like I was going backwards and not addressing my problems head on. I told her several times that I would never lay a hand on her no matter what state I am in physically or mentally. It’s been a month. She remains friends with me and we still talk. I love her more than anything. And I don’t know how to love myself. I have made numerous amounts of screw ups in my life. And I also have caused a ripple effect in my family. I feel toxic everywhere I go. Everywhere I look I see everyone I know got something going for them whether it’s they have a house, live on their own, have a significant other, get engaged or married, have a family that cares about them, or is in great shape. I have none of these things now. I have always hated myself and been harsh on myself because I never liked myself and been told I’m dumb, I’m wrong, I’m short, I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’m poor, my struggles aren’t valid because of where I grew up and the color of my skin (both valid but still diminishes my demons). I have made tireless efforts to make myself look better through the gym but no matter where I turn I’m never good enough for anyone or anything I feel like. And I always feel like I’m trying to prove to people I’m not a fuck up or a mistake. I have had thoughts of ending it all. I’ve had thoughts of just giving up on everything and living on the street. I have had thoughts of just being alone forever. And I’m terrified being alone with myself because o don’t know how to love myself. I feel like my life is over and it never even began. And all I want is to be back with the one person I love more than anyone in the world. And I don’t know how to love myself or forgive myself or let go of all my failures and demons or how to socialize with people without the fear of judgement for being by myself

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