2. Why I don't feel capable of ever fully loving myself/being fully confident in myself : stressLess-life

Why I don't feel capable of ever fully loving myself/being fully confident in myself

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Identifying those that are "worthy" and that contribute something significant to society comes very natural to me. I know that self love is heavily based in the belief that everyone is worthy just for existing but I did not grow up in an environment that promoted this. In school, those that got great grades, showed special talents, and overall showed a form of being extraordinary were most rewarded. This is certainly not a communal thing and really more of a universal thing from what I've experienced. Those that exhibit extraordinary traits/appeal are always rewarded and given the chance to achieve whatever they would like: the billionaire, the stunning beauty, the intellectual/artistic prodigy, etc.

These are the people that I can understand fully loving themselves and being fully confident as I know that even when they are at their worst/most insecure, they can look at the confirmation they've gotten from those around them that reassures them that they are truly worthy and needed.

Even to a less extreme extent, the people in my daily life that I know are particularly confident/self assured are those that are particularly beautiful, smart, talented, wealthy, etc.

My one friend, for example, is one of the most confident people I know and while she has definitely struggled with mental health and insecurities, she has always been rightfully validated for her amazing intellect (she was valedictorian of her high school and has always been very gifted in STEM, she is on her way to becoming a physician), sociable personality (she easily blends into both introverted and extroverted crowds and balances both working very hard and going out and being social), and good looks (she has an amazing body and regularly receives attention and compliments from men). I know that she is aware of her notable strengths and this allows her to feel confident in herself no matter what.

I, on the other hand, no that I have nothing extraordinary about me. I have received confirmation on this from those around me.

I am decently smart but truly nothing special, I was """"gifted"""" but I don't feel this actually means Gifted as I had plenty of friends who performed way better than me that weren't "gifted" and I didn't go on to achieve anything significant. My academic strengths lie in the humanities and language arts and this has not helped me feel any better. I've seen enough posts talking about "useless majors" and "ignoring people who say 'follow your passion'" to understand that I'm not really impressing anyone. I've seen people from other cultures talk about how in the US, people want to tell themselves they're special when they haven't done anything significant and I don't want to be someone who is delusional.

I don't have any notable talents, I tried out many, many extracurriculars growing up and ended up just sticking with an instrument and a sport just to have SOMETHING extracurricular but it was clear I had no real natural talent in either of these. I don't have any real passions or hobbies, or at least nothing that could actually do anything for me.

I'm definitely not turning any heads with my looks. I know this for certain as I was not one to ever have guys freely/frequently approach me/compliment me/want to befriend me. The only times guys have approached me have been very creepy and clearly shown not the purest intentions. I never had any true guy friends and have to this day never been in a relationship.

I'm CERTAINLY not wealthy either.

I don't feel like the knowledge that I am a notably average, uninteresting person is something that's in my head, it's something that has been all but completely confirmed for me. I can only go off what I have witnessed in my life. I never won any significant awards or recognitions. I saw those who were clearly naturally gifted in all of the extracurriculars I did and I performed no where close to them. I am the last person out of those I know to be single for their whole lives.

I don't know how I can be confident and fully love myself when I know I don't contribute anything. I don't impress myself in any way.

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