2. Things I am realizing : stressLess-life

Things I am realizing

I am realizing something that I know most people will tell me I’m stupid for not realizing before, or that I was naive for believing anything different. Still, I am finally starting to realize that no one cares for or about me more than I do; no one can change my life, for better or worse, other than me and their is one person I have been lying to for a very, very long time: me. I don’t know what this slow realization means or will mean. Still, I know I have a lot of work to do to accept myself for who I am. I am the only one that can do what is necessary to stop lying to myself and to figure out how to accept me for me and to learn to love myself and to change the things I need to change and change the things I want to change about myself so that I can become the man I want to be and the man I need to be. I need to understand that what happened with my exes was not all my fault and that even tho I have been destroyed twice and have been fighting so many battles mentally and physically because of the damage done to me by my exes, I have to learn how to stop allowing that damage to control everything in my life and keep me from being happy. I have accepted I will most likely be single for the rest of my life and that I likely will not find love again, but since I’ve only found love once and was fooled into thinking I was in love a second time, there is damage there I need to repair as well if I ever want to have a chance at love and acceptance again. But the thing is, I don’t know if I have the energy to take all of this on, or even part of it. But I guess even the realization counts for something.

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