2. How did you actually learn self-love when you've spent your whole life looking for it outside yourself? : stressLess-life
How did you actually learn self-love when you've spent your whole life looking for it outside yourself?
I'm a woman in my mid-30s and honestly feel like my life has completely unravelled over the past year.
I got dumped right before my birthday, I'm facing job insecurity and haven't managed to find another role yet. When I look back at my life a year ago, it feels like almost everything that gave me a sense of identity, stability and direction disappeared.
I've been in therapy for the past 2.5 years and have done a lot of work on myself. One of the biggest realisations has been that I've always struggled with codependency.
For a long time (over two decades), that showed up through my involvement in religion. My identity, purpose, community and self-worth were deeply tied to religion. When I left my faith (this deserves another post on its own😪), I thought I was becoming more independent, but looking back, I think I just transferred that dependency elsewhere? Instead of being codependent on religion, I became codependent in romantic relationships.
Not to mention that I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety for over five years before finally being properly assessed and diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago.
Looking back, a lot of my struggles make much more sense now, but it also feels like I'm trying to rebuild my understanding of myself from the ground up.
Now I can see the pattern, but I don't know how to break it.
I'm exhausted by dating, putting all my hope and optimism into the relationship, and eventually losing them … I don't want to repeat the same cycle. If I'm honest, part of me still wants to show my ex that I've changed and am worth reconciling with. (I.e., be wifey material, whatever that means) Another part of me wants to find my future husband, start my own little family and finally feel settled.
The uncomfortable truth I’m struggling with: even after all this therapy and self-awareness, I still seem to be chasing external validation. ðŸ˜
So for people who genuinely learned to love themselves:
•What did self-love actually look like in practice?
•How did you stop making relationships the measure of your worth?
•Did anyone else go through religious deconstruction and then realise they had simply replaced one dependency with another? How’s that journey going for you now?
•How do you know you're building a healthy life versus just finding a new thing to become attached to?
•If you wanted reconciliation with an ex, did focusing on yourself help you move on, reconcile, or both?
•To my neurodivergent girlies esp — how did you find your other halves and how are you guys coping?
I'm trying to believe this is an opportunity to rebuild differently instead of just another failure, but some days that's hard. 🥹
I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar and come out the other side. Or if you’re still processing, happy to hear your story too!
Thank youuuu ❤️
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I'm a woman in my mid-30s and honestly feel like my life has completely unravelled over the past year.
I got dumped right before my birthday, I'm facing job insecurity and haven't managed to find another role yet. When I look back at my life a year ago, it feels like almost everything that gave me a sense of identity, stability and direction disappeared.
I've been in therapy for the past 2.5 years and have done a lot of work on myself. One of the biggest realisations has been that I've always struggled with codependency.
For a long time (over two decades), that showed up through my involvement in religion. My identity, purpose, community and self-worth were deeply tied to religion. When I left my faith (this deserves another post on its own😪), I thought I was becoming more independent, but looking back, I think I just transferred that dependency elsewhere? Instead of being codependent on religion, I became codependent in romantic relationships.
Not to mention that I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety for over five years before finally being properly assessed and diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago.
Looking back, a lot of my struggles make much more sense now, but it also feels like I'm trying to rebuild my understanding of myself from the ground up.
Now I can see the pattern, but I don't know how to break it.
I'm exhausted by dating, putting all my hope and optimism into the relationship, and eventually losing them … I don't want to repeat the same cycle. If I'm honest, part of me still wants to show my ex that I've changed and am worth reconciling with. (I.e., be wifey material, whatever that means) Another part of me wants to find my future husband, start my own little family and finally feel settled.
The uncomfortable truth I’m struggling with: even after all this therapy and self-awareness, I still seem to be chasing external validation. ðŸ˜
So for people who genuinely learned to love themselves:
•What did self-love actually look like in practice?
•How did you stop making relationships the measure of your worth?
•Did anyone else go through religious deconstruction and then realise they had simply replaced one dependency with another? How’s that journey going for you now?
•How do you know you're building a healthy life versus just finding a new thing to become attached to?
•If you wanted reconciliation with an ex, did focusing on yourself help you move on, reconcile, or both?
•To my neurodivergent girlies esp — how did you find your other halves and how are you guys coping?
I'm trying to believe this is an opportunity to rebuild differently instead of just another failure, but some days that's hard. 🥹
I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar and come out the other side. Or if you’re still processing, happy to hear your story too!
Thank youuuu ❤️
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