2. Staying motivated to date after a rough short term relationship : stressLess-life

Staying motivated to date after a rough short term relationship

Hey all,

Last summer I had a 6 week relationship with someone that was fun and fast, but ended abruptly. He asked me to be his boyfriend then ended up dumping me two days later. His reasons stemmed from me not calling him after a concert, and me saying while we were boyfriends we still had to build into things (an example I used was if my brother was in the hospital tomorrow I wouldn’t expect you to rush over yet as you haven’t met him and it wouldn’t feel right), whereas he expected immediate boyfriend behavior the second the label was added.

He also said that I was too much of an unknown since I had never had a long term relationship. It’s true, my longest was 6 months. I’m a little insecure about it, I’ve been trying to find one for 7 years now. I’ve been in therapy for 4, and dramatically improved my ability to communicate my emotions, pause and understand them so I don’t lash out, listen to people and understand them, and navigate conflict. I’ve now got multiple friendships that’s have spanned over a decade, a consistently full social calendar, maintain friendships both locally and across the country, and I’d say many of them have emotional depth. All of that I attribute to my work in therapy to be more vulnerable and connect with people in ways that go beyond a shared hobby or humor.

To be honest, I was proud of how I showed up in that relationship last summer. It moved faster than my usual pace, but I liked him and I tried leaning in instead of letting my anxieties/fears win out and make me pull back. Since I really liked him, I decided to really try and leap into it and see what happens. Sadly it ended suddenly, and to be honest I don’t fully understand why he shifted so fast.

I tend not to get very attached early, and to have someone who felt like a great partner just end things so abruptly has hit me with some serious emotional whiplash. I take every relationship seriously, and want to try and grow. But this one I’m struggling to find growth areas for myself. I used to believe that if two people really liked each other, they could make a relationship work. This taught me that isn’t actually true. I wanted to ask if anyone had any advice on how to pick yourself back up after a rough dating experience? Or if anyone had any thoughts on my pacing, should I just be ready to jump up to more responsibility the second the label gets thrown on? I haven’t felt great about myself since it happened, and I’m trying to get out of this emotional hole.

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