2. Depressed and would love advice : stressLess-life

Depressed and would love advice

I don’t really know who to talk to because I don’t want to bother or burden anyone in my life, but 25f and feeling incredibly depressed. I was just lying down and couldn’t stop crying. I did a large shrooms trip a few weeks ago and it was helpful at first. Experienced ego death and was able to see the world in a way where everyone has a loving beautiful spirit inside guarded by defenses from the world and all the materialistic stuff seemed super unimportant. Was ok for a little bit because I realized for the first time I’m not a bad person deep down and I still feel that way. Having had access to that peace though now overwhelm is feeling particularly painful. I’m realizing how I literally don’t enjoy any aspect of my life, it’s just living and then overwhelm and depression. Externally I’m doing well, I’m not bad looking, I have a boyfriend, I have a decent amount of money and a masters degree, but I literally don’t see a point in life. Everything feels temporary and that feeling makes me anxious about losing my looks (have an ED history and still have a good amount of control around weight that is exhausting), losing my boyfriend, friends drifting away, family and friends passing eventually. It just all feels so painful and every interaction feels hard and painful and I feel so invisible at work and not super significant to anyone’s life. I have friends but they’re all far and don’t really reach out and take very long to respond when they do or just don’t respond. I feel like my memory is positive for them but I’m not really necessary anymore. I’m also constantly tired and in pain physically as well. Life feels honestly exhausting and excruciating and everything around me just feels fake. I’m not going to do anything I promise, I just would love advice if anyone understands or has any.

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