2. How to build self respect : stressLess-life
How to build self respect
If you lack self respect, it’s usually because of two main reasons.
- You have weak values and boundaries.
- You are a doormat and let people run right over you on a regular basis.
But often it’s both of these things combined. It doesn’t feel good to recognize these traits within yourself, but the good news is that if this describes you, there is a blueprint you can follow to gain self respect (and ultimately, self love).
I say this as a person who used to be a doormat with weak values and boundaries. I hated myself for most of my life, I came from an abusive home where my soul was crushed daily and had zero positive role models to emulate.
I am 34 and I didn’t start to really like myself until 2 years ago. I had to teach myself how to be someone I could respect. It starts with values.
Decide what your values are. You may not believe you even have the right to hold values, but you do. My main values are honesty, integrity, and reliability. I stopped lying. I stopped talking when I couldn’t back it up. I never let someone down who is relying on me. Ever.
That was over a decade ago. It took a bit of time acting on my values and doing the right thing (when nobody is looking) to get here. Now my values are so strong, something just flipped on in me one day and I stopped taking crap from people who are dishonest, have no integrity, and are unreliable. I learned to stand up for myself, and surprise surprise! I ended up butting heads with almost all my friends. 70% of my friends didn’t like this new me who spoke up when something isn’t right. Instead of people pleasing and trying to make them like me again, I tell them to pound sand. And what happened is amazing.
I have so much respect for myself now, I sometimes marvel at myself in amazement. I am my own role model. I can’t think of anyone I actually look up to at this point, I look up to myself. People who cross me in a disrespectful way get an earful, and as it turns out, I can actually dish out some serious scorn when someone is behaving badly. I’m shocked by it sometimes, because I used to be such a meek, timid little kid for most of my life. I’m the one who says what everyone is thinking and wishes they could say but they are too afraid of people not liking them to speak up.
Because I have strong values I adhere to, I instantly notice when someone isn’t operating the same way and I call them out on it. This has lost me a ton of fake friends, but has gained me a mountain of self respect. I’m so much happier with 30% friends that are actually decent people than trying to please all those shitty other people who have no integrity.
The morning after correcting someone’s shitty behavior I feel such a massive wave of self respect and self love. Nobody walks on me anymore. In fact, many of the good people who are left tell me they admire me for speaking up and wish they could do the same thing.
I still remember the feeling of letting someone walk all over me and get away with it without a peep out of me. The next morning after that, the self hate would flow like Niagara Falls. This is how you escape that.
How to gain self respect: decide what your values are. Adhere to them no matter what. And speak up when someone crosses them. Set a boundary quickly “I didn’t like that, here’s why. Don’t do it again.” And let them have a total meltdown about it. If someone gets mad about you setting a boundary, get rid of that person immediately. You don’t need that in your life and you will love yourself for it later.
♥️♥️♥️
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