2. I am crying so much : stressLess-life

I am crying so much

false

My chest feels like it is being crushed from the inside and I cannot breathe. Every heartbeat pounds with grief I cannot place. I cannot stop thinking about how someone can tell you they love you so completely, prove it in every touch every word every plan, spend months building something that feels real and alive with you, and then suddenly look at you and say they are not sure. How can someone carry a feeling they cannot explain and leave you drowning in the ruins of everything you believed in? How can love exist and still be unsure enough to let go?

Months have passed and nothing has softened inside me. She tells me I was more than enough. She says she loves me. She says I deserve certainty and answers she cannot give. She says maybe in the future she will not feel this way and maybe then she could give me a healthier love. She says she has a feeling she cannot even explain and that she feels bad for it. Those words feel gentle but they pierce my chest like knives because they carry truth and impossibility at the same time. How can I be enough and still not be chosen now? How can love be postponed like I am something to return to when it is easier for her?

Today I saw her talking to a man who clearly likes her. They talk and she says whatever is meant to be will be and if we are destined we will find each other again and that everything happens for a reason. I asked her why she speaks to someone who likes her because she is feeding his feelings, allowing something new to grow where we once stood, and she ignores it, repeating the same calm words that feel like abandonment wrapped in gentleness. Watching her existence continue alongside someone else feels like knives twisting inside me over and over.

She tells me to stop creating things in my head but then I see what she reposts and it feels directed at him, like pieces of a heart I once thought belonged to me are now being sent somewhere else. My intuition screams at me it is real. It hits me physically. I feel replaced invisible erased from her story while she remains the center of mine. I cannot unsee it I cannot undo it I cannot breathe past it.

She tells me not to hold on to her. She tells me not to think too much. But my mind will not stop. I imagine them together on a date in his car laughing sharing moments we once owned. I hate it. Every second of it tears me apart. Every image that loops in my head makes me feel replaced by someone who has not lived our history. I hate that I cannot switch off the attachment she asked me to release. I hate that I cannot turn off the love that still screams her name in my chest.

We planned so much together. Dreams that felt alive. Futures that felt possible. Places we imagined walking side by side. Promises whispered when we trusted each other completely. Those memories are alive inside me. They did not vanish when we ended. And now I watch the possibility of someone else stepping into that space receiving that closeness that I gave entirely, and it feels like something sacred is being erased while I am frozen in the ruins of what was.

I am exhausted beyond words. I am grieving someone who is alive yet distant. Questioning my worth, my reality, my understanding of love. I gave her everything soft vulnerable true and honest and now I am left with emptiness echoing in every quiet moment, a void that no one can fill.

I am crying more than I ever admit. My chest aches, my thoughts spiral, my heart refuses to detach. I do not understand how the woman I loved the most, the one who showed me love that felt undeniable, can become the source of so much confusion and pain. I do not understand how something that felt eternal can dissolve and leave me drowning in memories, longing, and questions that have no answers.

I loved with everything I was. I loved with every fragile, unguarded piece of my soul. And now I am just trying to breathe under the unbearable weight of missing someone who still lives inside my heart. Every breath feels like grief. Every moment feels like emptiness. Every thought is her.

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