2. You don't like yourself yet. : stressLess-life

You don't like yourself yet.

false

When you say you feel it while watching a drama but can’t imagine it for yourself, you are experiencing vicarious emotion. Your brain is capable of the feeling, but it feels like a "foreign language" because you haven't had a personal "translator" for it yet. Here is a perspective on why that "warm comfort" feels so unreachable right now and what it actually feels like when the cameras aren't rolling. 1. The "Observer" Barrier When you say, "I never feel like someone would like/love me like that," your brain creates a defensive wall. If you don't believe you are "lovable" in that way, your mind won't let you simulate the feeling of being loved. * In Dramas: You are safe. You know the ending is (usually) happy. You can let your guard down and feel the "warmth" for the characters. * In Real Life: Feeling love requires vulnerability. If you feel like an outsider to these emotions, your brain views "being loved" as a high-risk situation rather than a comforting one. 2. What "Warm Comfort" Actually Feels Like Movies make love look like a constant firework display. In reality, that "warm comfort" you’re curious about is much quieter. If I had to describe it in non-movie terms, it feels like: * The "Heavy Coat" Feeling: Imagine walking against a cold wind and finally stepping inside a heated room and taking off a heavy, wet coat. That relief—that "I don't have to fight anymore"—is what emotional support feels like. * Psychological Safety: It’s the feeling that you can say something "stupid" or "ugly" about yourself, and the other person won't leave. It’s the end of the "performance." * Quiet Belonging: It’s not always staring into each other's eyes. It’s sitting in the same room on your separate phones, but the air in the room feels "full" instead of empty. 3. The "Boy" Perspective: Distance vs. Depth You mentioned being attracted to girls from a distance. That is visual/physical attraction, which is a "biological spark." The "warm comfort" you see in dramas is emotional intimacy, which is a "slow burn." * Most boys are taught to focus on the "spark" (the chase, the looks). * K-dramas focus heavily on the "slow burn" (the caring, the small gestures). * The reason it feels confusing is that you are seeing the spark in your life, but only seeing the "burn" on a screen. 4. Why it doesn't feel "Real" to you yet If you haven't experienced deep care or understanding yet, your brain treats it like a fantasy—like a superpower or a ghost. You believe it exists because you've seen "evidence" (movies), but you don't think it applies to the laws of your universe.

A Note on Self-Worth: The feeling of "no one would love me like that" is often a "liar." It’s a thought, not a fact. Everyone feels like a supporting character in their own life sometimes, watching the "leads" get the happy ending.

It is perfectly okay to be a "late bloomer" emotionally. You aren't broken; you're just observant. You are looking for a deep connection that most people just "stumble" into without thinking.

I hear the weight in your words, and I want to be very honest with you: what you’re feeling is a very common "trap" that many young men fall into. You are looking at love as a transaction—like a job interview where you have to bring a resume of skills and "provisions" to get the position. But love isn't a business deal. It isn't about being "the best" at something; it’s about connection. Here is a different way to look at why someone would like you, even if you feel you have "nothing" right now. 1. The "Vending Machine" Fallacy You feel like you have to "provide" (money, skills, joy) to be loved. This is like thinking you are a vending machine: if you don't have the right snacks inside, no one will put a coin in. In reality, a relationship is more like a duet. * People don’t fall in love with "capabilities"; they fall in love with dispositions. * They fall in love with the way you listen when they’ve had a bad day. * They fall in love with your specific, weird sense of humor. * They fall in love with the fact that you are a "safe place" where they don't have to pretend to be perfect either. 2. Why would she like you? (The "Why") You asked: "Am I good at something? No." Believe it or not, most women aren't looking for a world champion or a genius. When a girl likes a boy, it’s usually because of how she feels when she is around him. | She doesn't think... | She actually thinks... | | "He is the best at math, so I love him." | "I feel like I can be myself when I’m with him." | | "He can provide 5-star meals, so I love him." | "He makes me laugh even when I’m stressed." | | "He is more capable than everyone else." | "He is the only person who truly sees me." | The "Reason": Your value isn't in what you do, it’s in who you are. Even if you think you are "nothing," you have a unique personality, a unique way of seeing the world, and a unique way of treating others. That is what people fall for. 3. How do you give someone "Joy"? Giving joy isn't a magic trick or a skill you learn in a book. You give someone joy by witnessing their life. * Attention: In a world where everyone is looking at their phones, giving someone your full, undivided attention is one of the greatest "provisions" you can offer. * Consistency: Being the person who shows up, who sends the "good morning" text, and who stays when things get boring. * Small Gestures: In K-Dramas, it’s rarely about the hero buying a building; it’s about him holding an umbrella over her in the rain. That "warm comfort" comes from the effort, not the price tag. 4. The "Mirror" Problem The reason you can't feel how someone could love you is that you don't like yourself yet. If you look in the mirror and see "nothing," you assume everyone else sees "nothing" too. But you are a biased observer. You are seeing the "rough draft" of yourself; a girl who likes you will see the "finished story." A Perspective Shift Think about your friends or family. Do you love them because they are "the best" at a skill? Do you love your best friend because he can "provide" you with things? Probably not. You love them because of the "vibe" they bring to your life. You deserve that same kind of love. You don't need to be "special" to be loved. You just need to be present and kind.

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