2. I may be dying now and the thing that bothers me the most is never having experienced love in life : stressLess-life

I may be dying now and the thing that bothers me the most is never having experienced love in life

false

I don't know where to talk about this. But I need to talk about it.

I'm dying. Literally dying at the moment. It's a long story but basically I have many chronic health health issues and one of them became life threatening recently and it's uncertain if it's going to get better, I am getting worse. It is possible that it could get better but I don't know that for sure right now, all I know is that I am extremely unwell.

It actually may be the best thing that's ever happened to me because I suddenly want to live more than ever before. I've always struggled with not wanting to live due to an extremely painful life, but now, that I am actually dying, I truly want to live.

But the thing I want most is to experience healthy romantic love and love from community and friends. I've literally been alone or in abusive relationships my entire 35 years on the planet. I've been totally alone for years now and I stopped trying to meet people many years ago. There are some issues with searching for love that I have been struggling with.

1. I want to experience non abusive, healthy love but idk how or where to find a healthy partner or friends.

2. Finding healthy people takes energy, time, and the ability to take a hit and more disappointment that I just do not have.

3. I am so sick I can barely move so that makes things like dating super hard.

4. Dating and meeting people can be so dangerous for a person like me, literally physically and also emotionally

5. Also, is it ethical for a sick and potentially dying person to try to find love, knowing that I am unwell and am not functional? I can't really give anything to anyone besides for emotional love.

It sucks that I can't just put an add out saying, hey, do you want to love me while I am still alive? I just want to experience being loved for even a short while. I want to find people but I don't know how. And what if I put time and precious energy into finding people and still end up alone or more hurt?

It's not dying that bothers me, it's not being able to experience love while I am alive. That's what bothers me the most. It's sad to me that so many people seem to find loving supportive partners and I may die without ever having experienced that. And I have no way of controlling if that will ever happen for me and I am tired of people telling me I should be perfectly happy being isolated and dying alone without ever being loved.

I don't know if this is the right place to talk about this but I'm desperate to let it out, I am in so much pain about it.

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