I tried a sexual self love exercise that worked really well for me, honestly too well. Now I'm confused?
falseVery recently I came to a realization that I was outsourcing a lot of love and validation from my wife, rather than build it internally. We've had a dry spell sexually that really frustrated me and made me feel a lack of worth romantically. Through some work and therapy, I slowly got to the realization that I wasn't looking for sexual connection, I was looking for validation on my physical attractiveness or worthiness of love and partnership. Needless to say that's a lot of pressure, and not my wife's job. I need to find myself attractive and lovable for me, not look for a physical act to validate it.
So with that said, based on some research I devised a "self love" exercise that was sexual in nature. I won't get into the nitty gritty here save for the idea that you're basically having sex with yourself, versus "regular" masturbation that is really just a release valve. It was a surprisingly transformative experience, and I kind of had a thought of being my own lover? Almost like how in CBT you talk to yourself like you would a friend, but there was an internal but almost distinct figure in my mind that affirmed me in the way I was looking for my wife to do. I embraced myself, I told myself I was attractive, said all these things I liked about myself, thanked myself for taking the time to do this, etc. I immediately felt so much better, I had so much positivity about myself.
Now it feels like I have new relationship energy, but with myself? I'm excited to show up for myself. I'm appreciating things about myself. I'm being kinder to myself. I'm planning "dates" with myself. I guess my hesitation is that it feels almost delusional bordering on narcissistic? Like how am I in love with myself? Why is this romantic in nature? Could this be harmful? Has anyone else had an experience like this? Sorry for the word vomit, I fully intend to bring a sanitized version of this to my therapist, but our next session is a few weeks away and I think I just needed to write it out.
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