2. 12 months ago I couldn’t see a way out & was hospitalised, last weekend I took my inner-child on a solo trip to two countries. If you put in the work, I promise you, it all changes. : stressLess-life

12 months ago I couldn’t see a way out & was hospitalised, last weekend I took my inner-child on a solo trip to two countries. If you put in the work, I promise you, it all changes.

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Since my last post where I took my inner-child on a play date I have gone healing wild!! I have now started shadow healing therapy (first session was 4 hours long, it wasn’t easy at all but extremely rewarding and cleansing). I have booked a 5 day inner-child retreat. I’m volunteering at the winter homeless shelter. Last weekend, I took myself to Amsterdam & Bruges on a solo trip - id been telling myself for ages that I would (for Europe’s biggest thrift market & street art) so I kept that promise to myself and had such an amazing time. I walked around with such an essence of gratitude for turning up for myself and making life happen.

It’s not been easy - at times it’s been super dark and 12 months ago I was admitted to a psych ward because I couldn’t see a way out, I couldn’t get off the floor and I couldn’t look in the mirror. I get the pain. But it’s also a feeling that was familiar and a feeling i wasn’t prepared to feel again. It’s been a battle but one I feel I’m winning now. I keep my environment so clean, I keep to my boundaries at all times, I stay sober (apart from Dam, but I let myself have that lol), I go to all manner of therapies, I spend time in nature every single day, I deleted every app that would distract my mind from my own lane (WhatsApp, Vinted, telegram, Snapchat, instagram…they all went). I got serious in going within and changing my brain chemistry. And then all the cliché things but that actually work for me like affirmations, gratitude lists, self-help audiobooks, breathwork, mediations, yoga etc etc.

But the difference is massive; I’m excited for tomorrow, I’m motivated, I’m certain, I’m calmer than I knew I could be, I’m grateful to exist and be who I am. Things that have come up the last couple of weeks that could’ve triggered me to engage in past behaviours has not penetrated me or I’ve handled in as an adult instead of my hurt inner-child. That’s the thing, stuff doesn’t stop happening, how we react to the stuff is the change. And so many things around me are changing - I happily walk by people from my past or will happily tell them the connection is over, i feel a level of certainty and confidence I didn’t know existed, I don’t feel the need to save anyone but me anymore (just yesterday a work colleague was super dark and instead of trying to guide her I just let her talk her darkness to me) - I’m a fixer-upper & previously would have tried to intervene but I’ve learned to not build connections on darkness and actually, people are on their own journeys and unsolicited advice isn’t necessary. I don’t tell anyone irl what my business is anymore (I would over share everything with everyone), not everyone wants your journey to be a success (hardest lesson ever) so I either ignore these people now, guilt free, or tell them BS and let them feed that back to the wolves. I stay in my own lane and concentrate on what I need to change and heal and let everyone else do the same. It’s allowed me to make new and positive connections, I’ve travelled to 6 countries since June, I’ve done a plastering course which I’ve wanted to do for years, I have recently taken on two more shops at the charity I work for and have shops requesting me, I’m waiting for my dual-citizenship to go through so I can travel and work throughout Europe.

I’ve stopped fighting my shadows and instead I’m sitting down with them and getting to know them. I have a long way to go, things are going to come up along the way, but I truly know I have a purpose on this Earth, I have found a love for myself I’ve never had and I’m so excited for the next few months!! India is next!

Thank you to everyone who sent messages and left comments on my last post - it really was a great boost. Collective energy is power.

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