2. Who are you when no one’s watching? Radical honesty & self-love. : stressLess-life

Who are you when no one’s watching? Radical honesty & self-love.

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“I felt ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face." – Franz Kafka.

Children arrive into the world unfiltered – fierce in their honesty, unafraid to speak their truth. Can you remember the last time you were the same? Before life told you to play small. Before family, friends or strangers taught you how to trade your inner voice for outer approval.

Real self-love is radical authenticity. It’s that small voice in the back of your mind, aching to be heard for exactly who you are, like a child telling the raw truth without fear of scrutiny. Who were you before you learned how to smile and perform with the flawless grace of an actor on stage? And who are you now, alone, in the quiet moments when no one’s watching?

Are you kind to stray animals or helpless creatures that can’t serve you in any way or give you anything, because you can’t imagine being cruel, even if you technically could?

If you find money on the street, do you keep it or try to return it, because you’d want someone else to do the same for you?

Are you real even in anonymous online spaces, where there’s no consequences for being fake or performing actions you never would in real life? Do you do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, or only if the proper crowds are watching? Are your values performative, or lived realities?

Do you hold grudges against people who did you wrong or failed you somehow or do you let go, forgive & forget with love and understanding, because if you messed up in return, you would want to receive the same grace as well?

All my life, I was punished for being authentic. I watched people normalize lying to others and to themselves, because there’s always an excuse for it – ‘I was trying to keep the peace, they’d get mad if I told the truth’ or ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them’. I thought this was a blueprint. So I followed it religiously. I was compelled to lie, too. Maybe to fit in, maybe to not make waves, maybe even to 'earn' love and approval. And every single moment I did, it cost me more than I knew how to get back.

As an adult, however, I realized that practicing radical honesty is one of the highest forms of self-love. Yes, you might lose friends or even family. Yes, you might be labeled confrontational, difficult or even ‘the black sheep’. But that’s okay – because it’s better to be shunned for your own truth than praised for someone else’s lies.

Real self-love starts with dropping all the masks – your own and the ones others place unfairly on you. It starts with acknowledging flaws and making steps to be better on your own terms, according to your own values. It starts with understanding that lies are only self-protective in the short term, but self-destructive in the long-term. It starts with no longer explaining yourself when setting healthy boundaries or putting yourself first, because somebody has to.

But most importantly, it boils down to not being your own worst judge, jury and executioner, your own worst enemy, the one standing between you and the life you deserve to live. Everyone is fighting a battle you can’t see. Always give kindness because it costs nothing - to others and to yourself. It’s human to get angry, but don’t let anger be your only currency, all that you can offer to yourself when you’ve fallen short of your own ideal.

Be real – there’s only one you in the world right now, and no one can ever replicate it. Don’t deprive us all of your voice – maybe your exact words change a situation or path for the better someday. Live in a way that redeems every version of you that had to lie or hide to survive. Live as the kind of person your inner child would admire or want to play with for hours.

And maybe someone out there needs you exactly as you are right now – with no filters. A little broken, a little raw, a work in progress..but a beautiful work nonetheless.

submitted by /u/No_Assumption_1384
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