2. Jekyll and Hyde : stressLess-life

Jekyll and Hyde

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Song of the day: https://open.spotify.com/track/74f0dpqHhTeTJzs4pmZ1yq?si=Bf5OgjazSYeRxFW7NUk_bQ

There was a time when silence made me uneasy. I’d fill it with noise, music, overthinking, apologies I never sent, imaginary conversations I kept rehearsing in my head, it drove me insane. It’s wild how exhausting it is to argue with ghosts.

I became a hollowed out version of myself represented by pure negativity. That negativity spread to those around me, it created chaos within myself and others. People slowly stopped being able to handle it, and so did I.

It caused me to represent a version of myself I didn't even know existed. Outbursts, heavy confusion, paranoia, undeserving of love, self deprecating, I was even slowly losing my silliness, the part of me that once brought me light. I was losing myself in a void that my own mind created. Treating others in ways I'd never imagine. Selfishly comparing problems, unintentionally, but it doesn't make it any less selfish. I'd even yell, and curse.

That's not who I am at all, and I never want to see that guy again.

Lately though, the silence feels different. It doesn’t echo as much. It’s not so sharp. Sometimes it even feels peaceful. Like a sign that maybe I trust myself more than I used to. A sign that I'm slowly finding comfort in the discomfort.

I’ve been noticing the way my shoulders sit lower when I’m alone. How I speak more gently to myself and those around me, without realizing it. There’s a version of me I’m starting to meet in the mirror, one that doesn’t look so tense, so hungry for reassurance. He doesn’t need to be understood by everyone anymore. He’s okay just being understood by himself.

I still have my moments. I still feel too much, care too hard, grieve people before they’re really gone. But I don’t unravel the same way. There’s more thread in me now. More strength woven in between the softness.

Somewhere in the quiet spaces I’m finding, I carry a little of the warmth that love gave me, a soft light that reminds me how kindness can heal, even when it’s been so hard to hold onto. When I see the way the blinds on the window reveal the dust flying around with the golden light of the sun. When I hear the gentle rumble of thunder and suddenly it's nap time. When I'm able to help someone in need. And yes, that gentle smile, whenever I think of it, still lights something inside me.

Everything and everyone, including myself are a reason for me to do better and be better. To acknowledge the the past, to grow, to heal, and to empower.

And somewhere, I hope the people I’ve loved are finding that same thread in themselves. That they’re healing in their own ways. That they’re growing into someone gentler and braver, too.

Mr. Hyde won’t be coming back. From now on, no matter what, I’m myself, and I’m not going to lose that again. Not this softness, not this kindness, not this capacity for warmth.

My capacity for love is undeniable, but I got lost, and in turn, I couldn’t treat people with the love they deserved. That’s not how it’s going to be anymore. The more you accept yourself, the more you love yourself, the more your ability to show that love to others grows.

That’s how I choose to take accountability. That’s why I’m working so hard. I can’t hurt anyone anymore, not even myself.

Somewhere in the quiet spaces I’m finding, I carry a little of the warmth that love gave me, a soft light that reminds me how kindness can heal, even when it’s been so hard to hold onto.

It’s slowly being revealed to me that growth isn’t getting louder, not proving more, but learning how to sit in the quiet and know you’re still becoming someone beautiful. Someone you can cherish, and someone the world around you can cherish.

If the cards align, someone special will cherish that too.

Have a good day everybody :)

submitted by /u/Sad-Tradition8676
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