2. Advice on Rebuilding Self-Love After Breakup : stressLess-life

Advice on Rebuilding Self-Love After Breakup

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It’s been about a month since my breakup and I’m still struggling. We were together for 8 months. I’m 23, he’s 20. We had already planned a trip to LA before the breakup, so we still went last weekend. It was romantic even though we weren’t technically together. We cuddled, flirted, still called each other babe. It felt like we were still in it, just without the label.

We ended on good terms, but I keep replaying everything. The breakup happened because I checked to see if he was still on dating apps. He had been on them early on in the relationship, and it really messed with my trust. He deleted them, but I never fully let go of the fear. Later on, he downloaded one again “for s*its and giggles” with his friends and saw me on there too. It blew up the keep it short. But I think the real reason was because he’s moving to Houston. He had already told me he didn’t think long distance would work. The app thing was just an easier reason to end it.

I did a lot for him. I paid for his CNA school, his birthday trip to Austin with his friends (which I didn’t go on), our LA trip (he got the concert tickets but I paid for everything else), vet bills for his dog, tires, food, rent when he needed help. I was there emotionally too, helping him through depression and tough days. I gave him everything I could.

But I felt like I wasn’t a priority. He was always late when we hung out. I’d drive 30 minutes to see him and sit in my car waiting for him to come out. I asked for one full day together on weekends, and usually just got a couple of hours at night. On Valentine’s Day, he spent the day with his roommate because he had promised her last year. I had to take time off work just to get breakfast with him. During Mardi Gras, I had 4 days off and he didn’t spend one of them with me. I kept trying to make it work, hoping he’d make more space for me.

Even after all that, I still miss him. I miss our anime nights, going out to eat, traveling, laughing. I try to focus on the bad to remind myself why it ended, but the good moments still hit hard. I’m scared he’ll move on fast. He’s bi, and the idea of him giving someone else especially a girl makes me sick to my stomach. I still want to make sure he’s okay. I brought him lunch the other day. Gave him gas money. I don’t know how to turn that part of me off. Especially since he has told me he still cares about me even after the breakup.

I’m trying to shift the focus back to me. I know I deserve to feel chosen. I know I shouldn’t have to beg for time or give everything and get so little in return. But it’s hard. Here I am, a salaried employee with a master's degree, good side real estate income, supportive family. Compared to him, unemployed currently until he finds a job in Houston, just lost a best friend, figuring out how he is going to pay for stuff without my help, controlling parents. If anything, I am much better off and should be the one snatched up. But, thinking of that does not make me feel any better.

If anyone has advice on how to stop being scared of being replaced or how to start loving yourself again when you gave your all and it still wasn’t enough, I’d really appreciate it.

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