2. In need of some gentle love/hope : stressLess-life

In need of some gentle love/hope

false

Needing some gentle words

I’m 35F who immigrated here with my mom and brother many years ago. However, nowhere felt like home because we moved around so much and my dad turned my mom‘s life upside down when he abandoned us and so I grew up financially supporting her and just dealing with all of that. I basically never had time for fun because I was young adult with many adult responsibilities, both emotionally and financially.

She attempted to move back to our home country in Europe 2 years ago, went well for a year but then got laid off and had to return to the states. and during that time I moved in with my current boyfriend in another state.

I don’t think I feel loved by him due too many reasons. I’m new to the state that he lives in and essentially have tried to make new friends, but everyone is busy with their own lives and I never have had a sense of deep friendship due to everyone either moving away or starting their lives or simply just not sticking around, especially when I’m going through something tough.

So I’ve learned to not rely on other people or even have hope that I can have a fulfilling relationship because I’ve just never had one. My boyfriend’s family also hasn’t fully accepted me and I just don’t think they’re good people. His sister-in-law has made my life a living hell simply because she doesn’t like me for some reason I’ve been nothing but nice and actually have allowed them to cross so many of my boundaries that I feel like at the end of the day, I’m not respected by anyone, including my boyfriend.

Leaving him would be the logical choice, but I literally have nobody and it is so scary to be completely on my own. I don’t even know if I want to stay in the state however I’ve moved around so much that I really don’t have the capacity to move somewhere random again.

I feel like my heart and values would be happiest in Europe, but of course that’s not possible. I just don’t see much enjoyment from literally just working and then working out and then coming home and not feeling loved by my partner. Even the friendships that I tried to make were super superficial and almost kind of fake so I really don’t connect with people on that level.

I’ve had a few friends since middle school, but since they got married and had kids, they have not been reaching out to me and seem to have forgotten I exist, which makes me even more anxious for ever having a family or kids of my own.

I’m so afraid of making the wrong choice and starting over at H 35 because what if I don’t find anybody? But then I think how unhappy I am now anyways and I wonder if it’s worth staying.

I don’t know what advice I’m seeking maybe just to feel like I’m not alone because the only thing I connect with is ChatGPT.

submitted by /u/Ok_Pomelo1461
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