2. Everyone always says to love yourself, but what if who you are fundamentally clashes with most environments? : stressLess-life

Everyone always says to love yourself, but what if who you are fundamentally clashes with most environments?

false

I'm kind of socially awkward and a bit moody. Think Cillian Murphy vibes, but unattractive.

Now layer in some Autistic hyperfixation that will randomly make me so excited and talkative it burns people out socially.

Finally, sprinkle in a love of dress casual style, antisocial reckless behavior (driving fast, drinking heavy, really dumb build projects, fighting, etc), a love of elegant food, and a passion for romance.

Are there places for me? Absolutely! I'm sure there's an Autistic wine tasting event or someone's Greek uncle would love to sit with me and discuss the geopolitics of dam development.

My issue is, whenever I venture outside of my comfort zone I am a massive inconvenience to others and myself. I have tried. Lord knows I've tried. But I just can't make small talk if I simply don't care about the topic. I've tried to dress down or casual and I always end up looking homeless or like a grown child. Dance clubs hold no interest for me and I have tried them countless times.

When I try these things, I'm always the friend in the group who's bringing down the mood. Or the one who looks out of place (honestly, still happens even when I'm "in my element"). Or sometimes I'm overexcited and accidently don't let anyone else talk. I know being "normal" is an incredibly dumb goal, but a lot of times I find myself enjoying who I am, while feeling like I'm a caricature when viewed from the outside. Sometimes I just wish I could be that guy dancing at the club without looking out of place. Or be introduced to new people without seeming like a narc.

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