2. How much can you relate to core gender shame, and what are your thoughts and experiences, on creating a possitive and loving self perception? : stressLess-life
How much can you relate to core gender shame, and what are your thoughts and experiences, on creating a possitive and loving self perception?
falseUnloving parents, create self hating children.
When young my father was emotionally abscent due to his attachment traumas. My mother and ex wife, both have a negative perception on masculinity, while at the same time struggle with showing empathy and vulnerability, due to their attachment traumas. When young I suffered a lot from the emotional neglect by my mother who most likely had prefered two daughters. My sister got all the attention, I didn't. Besides this I got bullied at school for being different and too sensitive.
Core gender shame is in a nutshell feeling fundamentally flawed, not acceptable, unlovable and deeply ashamed for ones innate gender, and expressing it when young (most likely having deep roots in childhood). I felt when young a lot of jealousy for my sister who got the possitive side of my mother, while I got neglected in my needs for feeling accepted and loved by her. At school girls seemed to be happier, connect easier, did not get bullied and had an easier life (from my perception back then).
I have been processing a lot of pain and self hate for being a boy since, what has helped me a lot. Just like doing a lot of self reflections. It is a process though. So far my core gender shame, has become significant less, but still can get triggered when I feel ashamed of being a man or not man enough. So far active imagination is helping me massive with a more positive self perception as a man.
Just to prevent earlier discussions: - I identify as born, and not planning to change this. - I am not against transitions or try to invalidate other people feelings, perceptions or choices. There are people who identify as the cross gender, transition and live a meaningful and better life, then their previous stressful and complex life. I believe that for those like me, transition affirmative support should not the only option available when reaching out for help. So far it seems, that the therapists that I met, have a lack of understanding on how to work with complex traumas ( https://youtu.be/qOibW5LXt3w). - I suffer of autogynephilia (AGP), what is basically is getting sexually arroused by an auto sexual phantasy of becomming a woman. Translated it describes loving oneself as a woman. I see a correlation with attachment traumas and autism, both groups find it difficult to be open for a vulnerable love relation. Heard too many severe stories of attachment traumas and autism. There are people who believe that AGP has been debunked, I still don't understand what that means. It feels however invalidating my struggles. - I am very interested hearing about coping with severe stress, like somatic experience, and working with unprocessed pain and self hate. Also I would love to hear about your experience when working on self love and possitive self perceptions, without a need of first being validated and loved by others.
Some related posts of me on core gender shame:
https://www.reddit.com/r/askAGP/comments/1jht079/50_causes_for_core_gender_shame_in_men_and_women/
https://www.reddit.com/r/askAGP/comments/1iumsd3/agp_gender_dysphoria_and_the_correlation_with
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