2. Acceptance of not give in to fantasy : stressLess-life

Acceptance of not give in to fantasy

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For the first time, after so long, I fell for someone not out of fantasy but reality of what I saw in this person, his qualities and flaws, it was a glimpse of fire that start on a straw and kept growing each time we spent time together. It was never idealization but always grounded, it was for who he was. When came the time to tell him my feelings, he told me he has a girlfriend. I remember the weird sensation I had in my brain, it felt like something collapsed on my head. Very weird. I wasn't anxious just shocked. He didn't show sign of being with someone or never mentioned her and for the first time of my life, I decided to not make him my fantasy while grieving. I used to have infatuations with people and I would idealize them so much that it would become a hobby, but with no joy only pain. I remember how much I lacked self-love, I didn't feel deserving. With lots of work on myself years later, I know now the difference of falling for someone when you're not okay in your life and falling for someone when you're fulfilled, waiting for nothing. It feels beautiful and it's worth all the inner work done.

To get back to a life where you weren't chosen by the one you chosed, it's another type of self-love, the type that you let take control to help letting go of what can't be by practicing radical acceptance, never imagining a futur together, not get infatuated with an idea of them by forgetting that they are a human among others, because it costs your mental health and that ask for a huge amount of self-esteem and self-worth. Because you don't chose him again, this time you chose you, because you know who you are and the beautiful person you have become, living with yourself is such a gift and they don't know that, they don't have to know that. It's your own gift to yourself and the ones you love, now you have a hard time seeing it but soon enough you'll remember. I'm processing and learning, and although some moments are very hard, it's fascinating, to see how the mind can work from what used to be very bad mental health to a healthy one. If you have read, thank you for your given time🧡

Edit: english is not my first language 🫶🏼

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