2. Self reflection : stressLess-life

Self reflection

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Isn't it weird that we hold younger versions of ourselves within? I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw her, the 4 year old little me, I saw her talking to me!

In fact, when i was 4, i always wondered what i would be in the future, i used to look at myself in the mirror and send verbal questions about my wellbeing in the future, like, in 2015, are you going to grow up and stop playing? Or, will you experience the death of someone dear one day? (Yes i was very deep as a kid)

I think I failed myself at some point, I couldn't meet her expectations, she wanted to be an author before 18, I'm 25 now, but at least i wrote a book last month, and I'll publish it this year.

I cried looking at my innocent eyes in the mirror, i said to my younger self "i did my best, forgive me!" And I hugged myself.

Actually i have a baby face, i still look so much like when I was 10. I have a mole on my left cheek that used to bother me somehow, I looked at it earlier and said to my younger self "the mole is beautiful and attractive! We changed to the better!"

Anxiety started to eat me up at 14 years old. I was OCD, anxious, and signs of borderline personality disorder started to show up, it was a wild experience, painful and confusing! I had to go through that alone since I didn't understand what was wrong with me, and my parents thought I'm dealing with normal anxiety as I was a top student and i aimed to score high in exams, they never imagined it could be mental.

I was numb, 14 to 21 were numb years, all I remember is that I couldn't feel much, i couldn't accomplish much, and I was confused, anxious, and in pain. Then I sought help, i sought therapy, and it helped!

Life flies, all i can imagine now is, i reached a milestone and now I'm reflecting on my past, I'll definitely have moments like this in the future where i look at my eyes and reflect on what I have done in my life.

I want my 40 year old me to look at her eyes in the mirror and remember me, the girl of today, this time, i promise to be responsible and make her proud. And I'll seek help whenever needed. And to be there for me no matter what.

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