2. Negatives to being your own therapist (advice pls) : stressLess-life

Negatives to being your own therapist (advice pls)

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While I think this ever changing self discovery and understanding is a beautiful thing, I have a problem with my “therapist-part”. I jump into this therapist role for anyone in my life, I know it roots from a chaotic, conflict heavy childhood. I’ve gotten good at setting boundaries with family, friends, strangers but I lack boundaries with myself when allowing this therapist part to take over.

I’m proud of how emotionally intelligent I am, how far I’ve come with boundaries and standing up for myself, I struggled with people pleasing for a long time but I feel I have overcome that mostly.

My problem: I am so analytical over my emotions, intuition ( or anxiety it’s hard to differentiate). Any thought or emotion I have I take it and run with it, stressing myself out to find the root, figure it all out that day, come to conclusions. I’ve noticed this in myself for awhile. I don’t allow myself to enjoy my growth, I’m constantly trying to improve and improve and improve when I know things take time, growth comes at its own pace but my brain automatically goes to that analytical process.

This is hurting my relationship, not for my partners sake really, I don’t think he notices it but for my own comfort. This relationship is the best I’ve experienced thus far (I’m 22, my partner is 21) He is everything I could ever ask for, is so incredibly kind to me and helpful in my busy life. Although I cannot allow myself to enjoy it, I’m constantly over analyzing if this is right (I’ve been given no sign that this relationship is wrong), thinking about how we will handle future arguments when we’ve never been in one, we are pretty decent at communicating and listening/respecting eachother, stressing myself out on whether we have done enough soul searching and trauma healing for this to really work out. It’s making it hard for me to really feel this love that we have created, take a step back and enjoy myself and allow myself to be loved and cared for, allow this love to run its course.

I think it may be a matter of trust, not only in my partner (I’ve been single for 4 years and incredibly overly independent) but also trust in myself. My therapist says we have to love those parts of ourselves to let them go and I can drill compassion in my head but this over analytical part is ruining (and has ruined) good things for me, that I know I deserve but cannot get myself to believe.

Has anyone ever experienced this? How did you help yourself take a step back and enjoy the life and growth you worked so hard for?

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