2. Where to start for someone in their late 20s who has had a low self-esteem the entirety of her life? : stressLess-life

Where to start for someone in their late 20s who has had a low self-esteem the entirety of her life?

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*Sorry for the long post ahead* I'm new to this. Firstly, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few years ago. I started therapy a few months into my most recent relationship. I have overcome many obstacles, but I still struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth (I have been overweight my entire life). My boyfriend and I just broke up, which was step one on my journey to self-love. He is great in so many respects. We were long-distance and began fighting a lot, never coming to a solution. He started to become avoidant, and I wanted him to love me even more. In two and a half years he never told me he loved me. My love language is words of affirmation, and he said it felt wrong and unnatural to give that to me, even though he complimented and provided me reassurance in the beginning. He told me I should just know that he loves me. I finally called it off after weighing whether this was what I deserved and after he told me I would be a lot to handle for anyone I was with among many other comments. We talked about breaking up many times before, but I didn't want to give up my comfort, familiarity, and love & care for him. It's been about two days and not talking to him has been weird. I immediately jumped into this relationship. It's like if I don't have someone that I know likes me, then I feel lost and unloveable. I admittedly jumped onto the dating apps. I know I'm not ready and it's definitely for dopamine hits and to feel wanted, worthy, and loveable. I want to be single for a while, but I want to be okay with being single since I haven't been in 8 years. I went from one relationship to another and settled for less. I learned a lot in my last relationship. I genuinely wanted it to be him, but it's not, and I want to healthily move upward and onward.

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