2. Truth Serum for Your Eyes : stressLess-life

Truth Serum for Your Eyes

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Hi,

I just need a place to get out my thoughts besides my therapist and my journal. I’m truly looking for community and support that this is the right choice. So, about 3.5 months ago, I broke up with my ex of 4 years and she was also my best friend and I was supposed to be hers + the love of her life. Basically, we ended because I was being abused, she kept making promises of change and as patient as I tried to be because of her mental health struggles, it never took. I was pretty much rejected and betrayed by someone I’d been best friends with for 13 years of my life.

Each day, I try to focus on my inner healing, keep being a person of integrity, and not let things eat me up. I didn’t know better then but I know now. Essentially, in August, she came back after secretly becoming an exotic dancer and things, saying I was the true love of her life, that she’d realized her ego was the problem, and that she’d use the break up period to improve herself to hopefully marry me. As unrealistic as the situation sounds being that her mental decline led to me being abused, words aren’t something I take lightly. I tried to be lenient that people with intense emotional struggles and mental health needs deserve to be loved just like anyone else and not made to feel less than.

However, right after saying that to me, IN AUGUST, she got with a guy and who knows where they met. She rebounded to a guy, while having just argued with someone about them questioning her lesbianism. So, I found out when she reached out to me and of course, it just added more salt to wounds. I actually loved her and for a good bit of the breakup, I felt stupid asf. Like, why should I love someone that doesn’t feel the same clearly based upon actions? She wanted to be with someone else that wasn’t me. For context, they’ve been together for half of our breakup lol. That being said, I don’t know anything else and it’s best not to.

What I’m doing is trying to allow myself each day to process my feelings for her, my traumas that led me to go back, and just the whole thing. I dig really deep when doing shadow work. I’ve had very prestigious and attractive men and women approach me. I’ve even been offered some sexual pleasure but I had to decline :(. All for the sake of healing 😂😂UGH! (That man was so hot y’all).

Am I moving too slow in my healing? Why tf do I still feel feelings of heartbreak and love for someone that did their own best friend (me) so wrong? HELP! Any tips?

FYI, I religiously journal, meditate, go to therapy and I have a DV group.

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