2. How do I stop being suicidal : stressLess-life

How do I stop being suicidal

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I (24F) have recently been recovering from my second overdose. I’ve been in and out of mental hospitals and really struggling with my self esteem. I’ve just been diagnosed with BPD and things are beginning to make sense with the way I am. I’m trying to hold myself accountable for my mistakes and actions, I’m getting therapy soon after thanksgiving. On top of that I’m going to Atlanta to visit family and my cousins. I feel like such a loser compared to them because my one cousin works for an attorney, and my other cousin is a personal trainer with a supermodel girlfriend. Meanwhile I’m a loser at home, I have the lowest position you can have to work in retail. On top of that I’m disorganized, I’ve wasted all my money on cheap clothing from shein and I have tacky clothes and don’t dress nice or the way I would like to. I hate myself and my appearance because of my body acne and face acne. Also my living situation is kind of shitty, my parents house is filthy so I’m not very motivated to help myself feel better. I’ve been spending this whole month on my phone looking up ways to kill myself. I can’t be left alone too long because I’m on SW.I’m trying so hard to not abuse my prescriptions and be kinder. But I feel like I don’t deserve it, because of our messy house and because I just don’t feel worthy or beautiful ever .

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