2. How does one know if it is self love or if i am being selfish? : stressLess-life

How does one know if it is self love or if i am being selfish?

false

Ive been going through a break up for over a year. We ended things because of various reasons (infidelity in the beginning of the relationship, which i got to know about later; but i wanted to give it another go; during that time- i felt no or minimal efforts were made to actually address the root cause and i felt i was the terrible one for making him talk about it and make him feel guilty- fast forward- that created alot of resentment and i guess i could have dealt with it better by talking about it to anyone but i did not want it to end and - then i guess i just realised you can never go back from that)

After the break up we were on talking terms and i would still try to talk about things and i just did not receive that same passion from him and after 1 year of waiting i finally decided to let it go and told him that its over i am done trying fix something i did not even break in the first place and i have told my mother about it and even she disapproves of.

And from then on he has shown initiative and efforts that he wants to be with me and fix things. I have been consistent with my decision for 2 months now but i am tired of having to answer his questions and requests for transparency like if i am talking to someone else or if i talk to my friends normally because every-time i talk to him i end up crying. He says i don’t see how much he loves me and how i am being selfish for not wanting to fix it.

I want to stop all this and i just want to focus on my mental health for now. I still love him and i know he has flaws but i believe it can be fixed if he goes to therapy and actually makes an effort which is what i want to do for myself too.

I have been having anger outbursts because i feel so misunderstood when i get told that i don’t even love him or care for him or when he dismisses my feelings and says he knows what i think and its the opposite of what i am thinking. I have a history of self harm and a suicide attempts in my teenage years. It took me alot to move past that and im 24 now and i dont want to spend the rest of my 20s stuck in this cycles where we move in circles.

I am just wondering if i am being selfish? Am i being selfish for wanting to stop, atleast for now. I want to focus on my mental health and i just want to stop crying. Am i selfish because he says that its my fault for making him fall deeper in love and then abandoning him like this?

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