2. Constantly fighting myself : stressLess-life

Constantly fighting myself

false

I’m going to be blunt. I have a paraphilia that brings me a lot to shame to live with. I know who I am, im asexual and I don’t even want anything to do with that side of myself, yet I can’t help but still feel so much fucking shame about it all.

I know im human. I make mistakes. But everything just feels so magnified in my own perception. I masturbated? I’m the worst human alive. I feel like a shell of a person. And yet I keep biting on the very thing that puts me down. I feel addicted even though it’s completely normal and biological. Maybe because it’s linked with the shame from the paraphilia it’s worse, but idk.

I have lived knowing this for about a year now, but I’ve been showing signs my entire life I just heavily ignored them because I didn’t want it to be true. Sitting on this mountain of grief has ruined my relationships, it’s ruined my image of myself, it’s completely changed my life in so many ways. I want therapy but getting somebody involved in this issue that doesn’t also keep my anonymous gives me a lot of anxiety.

I don’t know if anybody can help but I’ll really take any advice I can get. It all starts with me accepting myself, and I know that, but I can’t seem to do it.

submitted by /u/ParaphilicDisorder
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