2. dealing with disappointment and cultivating bounce back-ability : stressLess-life

dealing with disappointment and cultivating bounce back-ability

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hi! long time lurker and wanted to post an article i wrote that hope helps anyone in a rut <3

i last said ‘you have to throw a punch for the children.’ a statement which i still wholeheartedly stand by.

but

sometimes that punch doesn’t work out.

the job you want rejects you. the person you're in love with rejects you. and so on.

so you took a big ass risk and it didn’t pay off. and despite being proud of yourself for taking the risk - you feel the come down. the angst, the anxiety, the despair, the pit in your stomach. that punch felt like it punched you back.

now that i’m aware of my feelings, ranging from the most awful to the most amazing, this getting-punched-back feeling definitely falls under one of the most awful. it leaves you feeling so empty and sometimes embarrassed.

and that question eats you - “why did i take the risk if it didn’t pay off?” because let’s face it, now you feel way worse off. so, what was even the point?

here’s my newfound silver linings take: while that disappointment feeling is the absolute worst, i’ve come to realize why we take risks despite there being no guarantee they will pay off: we do it to prove to ourselves that we can. we classify these things as risks because there is some level of fear behind them- a fear we’ll look stupid, a fear we’ll lose the thing we want, etc. when something scares the shit out of you, it’s our natural human reaction to not go after it. but once we start taking risks (doing things we’re scared of), we start to prove to ourselves that we are capable. and we build a certain trust within ourselves that can only come from learned experience taking risks.

psychologically speaking, you can call this desensitization or habituation. you’re essentially exposing yourself to the scary thing so many times that it just kinda becomes normal after a period of time.

and i know what you’re thinking: who gives a shit if it becomes normal after time, i want that thing right now.

i get it - because same.

but the beauty of this is that you do get that thing. and it will feel right when you do get it because you’ve been through some level of trial and error. i know this is not the answer a lot of people are looking for but once you lean into this, you realize where all the pain, falling down and getting back up can take you. how it molds and shapes you into the person you want to be.

the other part of this is what i call bounce backability. when you get knocked out by that punch - which you will, it’s a part of life – get back up. i cannot emphasize how important this is. as someone who would just get ko’ed and lie there up until recently - the main thing that’s driven confidence in myself is getting the fuck back up. and yes, go slow and care for yourself while you do it. if you broke your leg, don’t go on a 10 mile run to prove you can get back up. but what you should do is take that tiny radical step. do it for you - you deserve it. you deserve to keep going and keep moving forward no matter how scary that thing and how strong the punch.

if you're interested in reading more of my work my free blog is: https://dggtl.substack.com/

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I want to know the mind and emotions of a man towa. I want to understand what he is thinking and feeling at any given time. I want to know what makes him happy and what makes him sad. I want to know what he fears and what motivates him. I want to know his hopes and dreams. I want to know everything about him.


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