2. Playing Guitar in the Dark : stressLess-life

Playing Guitar in the Dark

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"If I wait patiently by the river, the body of my enemy will float by." Heard that recently spoken in an episode of Mad Men. It really stuck with me.

Sometimes I wonder why I write so much. There are so many suitable answers, but here's one: maybe I write so much so you know what happened on the days you weren't around. And who's you? Anyone and everyone, I guess: the love(s) of my life, future generations, God, parents, friends. Anyone.

I'm not sure why the human urge to be remembered, to be known even in death. We know everything vanishes eventually. Does God remember us all? Really? Down to the last detail? I think, if I were God, after a couple trillion years I'd let some things slip.

I remember something I conceived of when I was twenty years old. At the time I was going through a minor spiritual awakening and subsequent psychosis (though I wasn't aware of the psychosis part until much later). I conceived that everything dies, even God, and what does dying look like for God? I asked myself. The answer came: He becomes senile. He simply forgets who He is for a time. Then He is reborn.

I'll tell you, I think I was onto something there! And I knew it too, I was a cocky little intellectual.

I mention all this to say that I've been feeling a rebirth in me. I feel as if God is this cute little plant that I've been nurturing, feeding, watering, and it's finally becoming this beautiful thing within me. Considering this, I think that if you choose to believe God doesn't exist, you are absolutely correct. I think, for there to be any God at all, we must, in a sense, "create Him." Not because He wasn't real to begin with, but because We are gods. We all have the spark. To discover that is to know God.

I was playing guitar in the dark earlier. It was nice. You should try it sometime.

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