2. I thought I healed past my insecurities until this recent experience. : stressLess-life
I thought I healed past my insecurities until this recent experience.
https://ift.tt/G4poSMdThis post will discuss weight and body related insecurities, and eating habits.
I just wrote a journal entry about this topic in attempt to heal or move past it but I would like to share my experience here for support. I genuinely don't know how I am supposed to learn to love my body.
I went shopping with my parents recently to buy a new journal and while I was looking at the selections I realised I was standing next to an attractive girl and during this moment I noticed a few thoughts bubbling up that made me realise that I am further behind in my self love and improvement journey.
The girl was skinny, and this brought up my insecurity of my weight and my skin. I am not overweight but I would look 'skinny fat' meaning that I am at a 'normal' weight' but I appear to be fat. I have struggled with this since I hit puberty (which is when I gained all this weight and started feeling insecure). When I was 14-15, I would eat one healthy meal a day to try to lose weight which obliterated my metabolism and I ended up gaining weight. I went through the cycle of restricting, binging, and feeling guilty.
I am now at a point where I am eating when I feel hungry and not trying to restrict myself from food, I just eat in moderation. I am still trying to lose weight, but I am definitely healthier now and more accepting of myself than when I was restricting.
This year, I have changed a lot in terms of my mindset and spirituality in every aspect of my life. I thought I moved past my insecurities and I was in a place where I would be able to forgive and forget, but when I was standing next to a pretty girl, I felt my past emotions bubble back up. I was mentally praying that my father wouldn't notice her because I didn't want him to compare my bigger body to hers. I felt like a mountain compared to her.
From this experience, I realised that I actually compare myself more than I think. I realised that when I see pictures of modals, I subconsciously compare myself to them, but I just tell myself I feel okay. I always felt bad about myself when I saw pictures of prettier girls, but I never really stopped and thought about why I still feel this way.
I know I still have a long way to go in terms of self acceptance and forgiveness. I am still working on managing my weight through exercise and moderated eating.
Writing about this now, I am recognising more feelings which I have suppressed and tried to forget about. I am grateful for this experience as he has opened my eyes more and I feel more calm knowing this about myself.
submitted by /u/spirituaIangel[link] [comments]
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