2. Your Greatest Hits : stressLess-life
Your Greatest Hits
https://ift.tt/WSCJzT1Hey guys I have some ideas below on focusing on all the times that we have done really well, instead of really badly. Would be great to hear your thoughts!
There are times in all of our lives where we have really blown the lights out. Holy shit, we nailed it. Things seemed to just align and come together all at the right time. We felt really good and were able to do something truly amazing.
Even those of us who view our lives as being rather quiet and reserved, without much going on, have had moments where we were truly on fire. These moments don’t need to have happened for long periods of time, or have taken place on a grand scale. They could be brief and seemingly small. They could be simple.
Maybe, for example, you walked into a foyer and greeted the receptionist while another person also entered the room. Perhaps they said something to the receptionist in passing which led you to make an acutely deft comedic observation out loud, which caused all three of you to burst out in laughter. And I mean, really burst out in laughter. I mean one moment things were normal and the next, the three of you were rolling around on the floor laughing. Maybe you all shared a moment between gasps of air through the laughter, while smiling and looking at each other, that left everyone marvelling at just how funny your observation had been. Maybe this moment, however fleeting, was an acknowledgement from the other two that, “Hey, you are extremely witty and smart.” Even if just for a few brief moments, it is likely that there are times where you and I have been absolutely on fire.
These moments of course do not have to be grounded in comedy. They can be anything where a real connection was made, or real honour was defended, or we were really bold and confident, or where we felt most alive.
In a never ending effort to fix or improve things, most of us watch the channel of our lives that displays all of the things that we have done wrong in the past. Yes of course we need to know these things in order to improve, but what if we changed the channel for a little bit?
What if we switched over to the other channel which shows all of the things that we have actually done quite well? It happens to also be on all the time, even if we don’t choose to view it as much.
What if after watching this channel we decided to create a list of things that we have already done well in the past?
If you or I were a successful band, eventually we’d create a greatest hits album with all of our top songs on it. What we are going to do now is create a list of our greatest hits. But instead of songs the list will contain examples of times where we have really succeeded.
OK fine, I’ll go first:
1) I once delivered a best man speech at a wedding that brought the house down. People were laughing so much that we actually had to stop for a few minutes before I could continue. Years later, acquaintances in the small town where the wedding took place would bring it up when they would run into each other in the meat aisle and run out of conversation: “Hey remember the time we heard that speech at that wedding.”
2) I helped a friend to find a job after they were retrenched and could no longer support their family.
3) I once went to a wedding alone and did not drink at all. What was I thinking? I know. However, at this wedding I did really well from a social standpoint. I made conversation with most of the people there, I mean I really circulated the room. I managed to make a few new friends. I cracked a few jokes. I danced on the dance floor to Taylor Swift like nobody was watching. I even gave an elderly couple a lift home after they conceded that they were in fact too drunk to drive, and that this was not the 1950s where you could just swerve your way home through everyone’s front lawns.
4) After someone bumped my mom one day in a shopping queue, I walked straight up to them in front of everyone and let them have it. I made them apologise to my mom. Justice.
5) I managed to turn a friend’s lame 30th birthday party into a night that our friendship group still remembers to this day. I rocked up with a large speaker, put on some music and got everyone dancing. I set up a game of beer pong with cups that I had brought with. I even supplied 3 cases of cold beer to go with it all. We all had a wild, amazing night that would not have happened if I was not there.
As an example, let’s pick apart the first item on my list. What the hell happened? What really happened on a detailed level? What was the sequence of events that led up to my success? What were the conditions that made it all possible? Here we are trying to identify things that we can re-create in order to have the same success again, and hopefully over and over after that.
OK, so for my best man speech that brought the house down. First of all, I wrote the speech many weeks in advance. I mean, people hadn’t even booked their accommodation for the wedding yet. I learnt it off by heart. I could have said it back to you if you woke me suddenly in the dead of the night. I tested it first on friends and family members. I was genuine as fuck and wrote from the heart. For weeks I whittled the speech down to only the good parts. I removed and removed, and took out and took out again. I stripped out anything that was lame or boring. On the night of the wedding I chose not to drink before the speech. While delivering the speech I spoke loudly. I read the crowd so that I could freestyle and go “off script” at times to make things even funnier. I paused for laughter. My timing of when to resume speaking was clinical. I sped up at the right times to maintain the entertainment factor of it all, and slowed down at certain points to let punchlines really land.
What I’ve just done here, as an example, is create a list of exactly what I did step by step in order to achieve success at a certain moment in the past. In theory, this would be a great starting point for me to come back to when trying to achieve similar success again in the future. Kind of like a recipe. We made great brownies once. We have the recipe for how we did it. So let’s make great brownies again. Of course the same success is never really guaranteed again in the future, but it is a far greater place for me to start than looking at a list of my previous failures. And you can be sure, my list of failures is long.
Continuing to look at our successes in detail can remind us of what we are actually capable of. In doing this we’d be trying to switch over from a cycle of failure that repeats, to a cycle of success that repeats.
What would you say are your greatest hits? We are not really looking for things like, “I finished my accounting degree”. We are looking more for things where you have done well in terms of strength of character. Things that made you feel amazing. We are trying to identify what it is that you like about the success you are writing down. For example, standing up for your mom would indicate that you are able to show a lot of backbone and fight for what is right. Identifying the principles that are within your successes can allow you to hone in on what it is that you like about yourself when you execute something successfully.
After writing down your greatest hits that you can remember from your life to date, the best time for writing down your list of greatest hits thereafter, is often at the end of each year. It is the perfect time to look back on your year, starting in January and ending in December. Going month by month can be easier in terms of remembering what happened. This can make it easier to pick out things that you are really proud of.
I've put together some questions which might help with this process:
1) Yes, you guessed it, what would you say is your list of greatest hits that have taken place in your life to date? If you had to list about 20, what would they be?
If you are wondering what should and shouldn’t be on your list, for example these are the times where you have: felt the most alive, been the proudest, made people laugh, stood up for what was right, taken hard decisions, been brave, been confrontational, been passionate, not backed down, shown strength of character, done something you thought you couldn’t do, come through when everyone was doubting you.
First and foremost they are times where you’ve said, “Hey world, this is the real me, so watch out, because I’m pretty damn amazing.”
2) Which one of your greatest hits are you most proud of? What would you say is the reason for this?
3) For each item on your list, what are the set of qualities that you are proud of displaying? For example when you told your boss to go fuck themselves it showed that you: are confident, have guts, have self-respect, back yourself when the time is right, won’t back down due to fear, are the leading character in the story of your life.
What we are going for is: what is it that you really enjoy and admire about the characteristics that you displayed for each item on your greatest hits list?
4) Now let’s identify the set of circumstances that accompanied each of the items on your list. The same as what I identified above as having led up to my best man speech. For example, on the day you told your boss to fuck off, what happened leading up to and during that moment? Maybe that morning you went for a soul searching run on the beach before work. Maybe weeks before you started to interact a lot more with your colleagues at work so that you felt more confident, surrounded by people that you were getting along with. What was in place that allowed you to do what you did?
5) Now that you have your list of things that accompanied each of your greatest hits, allowing them to take place, how can you create the same set of circumstances again in order to achieve similar results in the future?
6) From your list of things identified in question 5, do any patterns emerge? For example, when I talk more and engage more socially I feel more confident and ready to do what is needed. For example, when I really prepare for things way in advance I completely knock them out of the park.
7) Which of the items from your list of greatest hits would you say are ones that you would most likely try to remember when you are feeling down or doubting yourself? For example, if you are ever nervous about speaking in front of an audience you could remind yourself of the time on your list where you made an announcement in front of a whole lot of people, during an emergency at an airport. Which of your items can serve as strong reminders of everything that you are actually capable of?
8) Are there any things on your list that surprise you? For example, maybe you thought you weren’t that confident but there are about 10 examples of times where you really made a stand and stood up for what was right at the time.
9) After reading your greatest hits list, how does it make you feel about yourself overall?
10) When will you next write down another list of your greatest hits? Will you do this at the end of the year looking back? Or would it be easier to update your list at the end of each month while things are still fresh in your memory?
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