2. Why do I make myself physically vunerable to guys who don't value me? TW: Rape : stressLess-life

Why do I make myself physically vunerable to guys who don't value me? TW: Rape

https://ift.tt/cDStLjl

Does this mean I dont value myself? Am I simply bored and want to create problems? If so, why? I recently had been having sex with, with 2 guys I really did'nt know raw over the past year. This scares the hell out of me because of a mortal fear of STDS because we've been hitting it raw with both at two seperate instances. I was tested negative for everything after the first guy but not after the second, although he has only been with his baby mama. Im not sure the enitre history before that. However nothing feels wrong, so I gotta go check on that. I knew that guy number 2 was way out of allignment with that I wanted for a partner, and he manipulated the fact I wanted a relationship for sex. Why did I do this when I knew all the information?

While this in the grand scheme of things may not be alot of people, it feels out of alignment with myself because I make myself spiritually vunerable, that is what scares me the most about sex in general. The physical scare is a very real thing however. Not to mention, I was sexually assaulted twice in 1 year. To continue, they are ususally manipulative people. And I get into an anxious attachment style relationship. How do I break this cycle? What inside of me is broken to where I continue this?

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