2. I feel so defeated : stressLess-life

I feel so defeated

https://ift.tt/i1ItqOV

I’ve had a rough past few months. A lot of it is self sabotage. My girlfriend broke up with me. We still talk and remain friends. But it’s so painful not having her in my life the same way. Tomorrow would’ve been our 3rd year anniversary. I’m severely depressed and down about it. Fast forward to September I then get fired from my job. This is the 4th time I’ve been fired. I know what I need to change. And I honestly don’t know if anyone is willing to take a chance on me anymore. I’m not looking for any romantic relationships now or shit like that. I do look around and find that everyone I see is either living on their own, has a good job, or in a happy relationship and about to get married. Or all 3. I’m 28 I live with my parents still and I don’t have money to move out I had a plan and everything and it’s now up in smoke. I don’t want to be around my family period. I don’t enjoy any aspect of my family. They’re toxic, gaslighting and unorganized. They honestly just add to my stress. Am I exaggerating a bit? Sure. But I can’t be around them anymore. I’m at rock bottom and I’ve been able to fight but this is worse. I’ve lost my job, my girlfriend, I don’t want to be a part of my family at all, I don’t love myself and I’m trying to learn to do so. I feel like every move I make is wrong in some way. I don’t know how to love or trust myself. Or trust anyone. I just want to shut off from the world. It feels like everything I do is wrong. And I’d rather live out of my car than be in my house anymore.

I’ve been going to therapy. I’ve been practicing these things. But I feel so down and I want just a friend. I just want someone who knows what I’m going through to tell me how they got out of it. Cause I really feel like throwing in the towel and becoming a straight up bum. Because I feel so down and low.

I don’t want to be around my family period. I have not found any joy in anything

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