2. Comparison is the thief of joy : stressLess-life

Comparison is the thief of joy

https://ift.tt/3kBHnaf

So I still struggle with my body image. Not as bad as earlier this year, but I thought I would have been a lot better by now.

I find myself getting really mad at myself when I see pictures of beautiful women wondering why I don't look like them, why I don't have big anime tiddies, etc. I know, the boob thing is stupid especially since countless women with bigger chests tell me all the time how they hate it because they can't find clothes that fit right, men only want them for one thing, their backs hurt, etc.

And now this SSSniperwolf story is all over the Internet and I can't help but feel like she's only getting away with what she did because she is absolutely gorgeous. My bf defined her as "the e-girl before e-girls were a thing". Whenever I see her or think of how her looks alone are helping her get off from committing a crime scott-free I can't help but feel the way I do.

Sorry, that last sentence was worded weird, hope it didn't hurt your brain.

Anyway, I'm trying really hard to love what I can't change about myself and trying to change things that I can. But lately I've fallen off the wagon and I feel even more terrible. I used to go to the gym 3 times a week but now I haven't gone in about 2 months. I've just gotten a new job and I'm always tired, so I don't go. I also stopped tracking my calories again.

The reason all this is stressing me out is because earlier this year we went to a music festival and my bf and I constantly fought over me being insecure being surrounded by thousands of gorgeous women while I looked like a troll. We made up and worked on both our parts to make sure it doesn't happen again. He's not going to leer at other women and I'm not going to accuse him of cheating every five minutes.

I want to go to the festival again. I want to be ready. I want to actually enjoy myself and not let my insecurities comsume me and hurt my relationship. But I'm scared.

Another reason seeing really pretty women triggers me is because I have severe internalised homophobia. So yeah, I'm a real mess.

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