2. Can I get an ELI5 for how to 1. achieve genuine full self confidence/esteem and 2. be entirely happy single? : stressLess-life

Can I get an ELI5 for how to 1. achieve genuine full self confidence/esteem and 2. be entirely happy single?

https://ift.tt/3kBHnaf

The main things I (22F) that have damaged my self esteem have been:

-Difficulty with friendships: Beginning in elementary schools, I had multiple periods of feeling isolated and weird due to difficulties making friends. Things got better midway through middle school when I formed my core group of friends but everything fell apart when said group dissolved due to half of the girls feeling that me and my other friend were basically too lame for them since we weren't really interested in partying/sneaking out. This really shattered my confidence and I was left with very little friends for the remainder of high school. As of now, I have a very small amount of individual friends I've met in college that I'm still in contact with, 4 of who I actually regularly talk to. My friend from hs and I maintained contact for a while but she has becoming very devoutly religious and I definitely feel a distance between us.

-Difficulty with romance/intimacy: I had no luck with dating growing up. I never had any real close guy friends. After graduating high school with no dating experience whatsoever, I began to feel that all the problems lied with me. After attempting to start dating in college and things still not working out, I really internalized the idea that I am simply not very appealing and uninteresting. It doesn't help that I am pretty much the last of my friends/people I know to have never been in any relationship, even my younger sister has had 5 bfs at this point.

-Loneliness: Mostly stemming from the last point, being single is all I've known but I know that I am missing a key component of life: intimacy. Even from an entirely logical standpoint, the formation of intimate relationships is the key psychosocial developmental stage for young adults. I do crave physical and emotional intimacy and I don't really feel it (at least not on a deep level) in any of my current relationships. There are some things that only a romantic partner can bring to the table.

-Overall feeling of insignificance: I believe that the key, underlying idea of my lack of confidence is that I feel that I clearly lack any notable beauty, intelligence, talent, or any other valued traits. I feel completely unremarkable and insignificant and the experiences listed above have not helped that feeling. These experiences have felt like confirmations of this idea.

I know the key to achieving happiness is to achieve full self confidence and satisfaction with my life to the point that I am entirely happy with spending my life on my own and relationships become more about finding connection over validation.

I've been through multiple rounds of therapy and have tried journalling and affirmations but I have never been able to get to that point due to the experiences/feelings listed above.

Does anyone have a super simplified method of getting to the point I want to get to based on what I've said?

I should probably also note that I am on a VERY limited spending budget rn and have very little savings so, unfortunately, a lot of suggestions like going on shopping sprees or getting professional cosmetic treatments are just not possible right now. I'm open to anything else, though!

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