2. Sometimes I think self love can be standing up for yourself : stressLess-life
Sometimes I think self love can be standing up for yourself
https://ift.tt/Fieog65I really struggle to do this. I have been severely bullied most my life and tormented by my family growing up. So, my first instinct is to wait it out and keep the peace. To not be the monster they like to pretend I am.
Due to that, I tend to neglect my peace a bit, hoping someone might stand up for me. But that won’t happen.
Lately, I’ve been getting bullied a lot more. Cuz I’ve been speaking out a lot about mental health, abuse, neurodivergence, disordered eating, etc. I’m trying to find my community and destigmatize parts of my life that I know are normal and that others may relate to.
It feels healing. Knowing I can make others feel seen and normal too. But my posts or comments always reach the wrong crowd at some point and I get bullied.
So, lately, instead of waiting to be rescued, I try to be respectful and point out their behaviour. If they seem receptive. Say they don’t need to bully others. Whatever.
Having bpd and pmdd, I struggle with emotional regulation. So, sometimes I can’t help but call them a name related to their behaviour. It’s always after a long day of bullying or after a really triggering insult from them. Like calling them ableist fucks for making fun of neurodiverse people or calling someone a nosy cunt if they try to use my stories about mental health and abuse to make fun of me. Those moments I feel kinda gross and like I fucked up. I don’t like losing my temper. I like conducting myself with kindness and empathy.
So, it’s a work in progress. I’ll keep standing up for myself. People don’t wanna make themselves a target so they don’t defend me. So I gotta do it myself.
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