2. How to be more mindful and forgive myself? : stressLess-life

How to be more mindful and forgive myself?

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Hi everyone! I (23F) just wanted to come on here for any advice. I posted here about three months ago, and my situation has improved, but I feel like I'm still struggling to move on and be present. I started on antidepressants in July to help with OCD, anxiety, and depression and have tried to journal as much as I can. I got out of an awful teaching job in May, have since gotten my Chron's under control, and started at a job I love. When it comes to my life with my boyfriend, however, I am struggling a lot to see the good things I bring to the relationship as well as forgiving myself for past mistakes. I struggled with alcohol for a while at my previous job (I would get very angry and toxic), and now I hardly drink anymore and the situation has improved a lot. I have been on a healing journey since then, and have finally put in more effort into doing better. I have always been a sensitive person who takes things personally, but I cannot do that anymore. I'm making myself miserable. I overthink so much and take so many things personally when it isn't necessary. For example, last night, my boyfriend just asked nicely me to stop pulling on his arm when we were walking on the sidewalk, and I completely spiraled, feeling like it was a cut to me. I had a couple of unhealthy relationships before my current boyfriend (who is the healthiest love I have ever had) and I notice sometimes that I haven't fully healed from some of the behaviors learned in those relationships. The guys I dated before would tear down my self esteem; one of them said I looked way better when I was skinnier and would berate my image (I gained weight during Covid quarantine) and the other ex would hold grudges about MINOR things for weeks (like me not wearing the outfit HE wanted me to wear, feeling guilty for spending time with friends/family. Little stupid things). My current boyfriend is such a motivating factor for me to heal and be the best version of myself. He has done nothing but stick by my side unconditionally through physical and mental health issues, and we are even looking at houses together and obviously want a future. Whenever I tell him how Im feeling regret for my past mistakes and sensitivity, he always reminds me to move on and he does not hold it against me. If I do not fix my insecurities, I know this could end my relationship and his patience could run out. These insecurities will and sort of have already carried on to other aspects of my life and I just want to reclaim my life. Sorry this post is a long rant, but my main thing is- does anyone have any tips on mindfulness, forgiving and self love that aren't just a temporary fix? Really doing everything I can to be proactive. Thanks in advance :)

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