2. I am a fat woman…My question is, how do I truly learn to feel beautiful? : stressLess-life

I am a fat woman…My question is, how do I truly learn to feel beautiful?

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Okay so, not once in my life have I felt beautiful. I was bullied a lot when I was younger for how I looked. I was told I was fat (even though I truly wasn’t) and ugly. I never really had super fashionable clothes growing up because things never fit me right because I’m built like an extra small football player. Like, I personally don’t feel like any outfit I have ever worn looks good on me. I didn’t have my first kiss or boyfriend until college. It really did a number on my confidence and self esteem, which I’m currently attempting to work on in therapy. Currently I have a loving boyfriend who thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the world and tells me often. I also finally have a solid group of friends who remind me when I need it. But I don’t FEEL it. Maybe my brain is so conditioned to see myself as hideous that even compliments don’t work? Regardless, here is my most current issue. I really want to try and feel beautiful without the pressure to lose weight. Yes, I am the heaviest I’ve been. And I don’t want to be this weight. Right now in my life I am way too stressed about other things to really work on my weight. Plus I genuinely believe it’s a medical issue that’s causing me weight problems, but I don’t have insurance right now to check it out. Like, I do try to keep myself slightly active so that I’m moving during the week. And I make a solid effort to include healthy food in my diet. My mom even says I don’t eat such massive amounts to warrant my weight…but I think it’s a genetic issue because the women in my family are bigger and have thyroid problems. ANYWAYS! I just want to feel beautiful no matter what weight I am. I can’t afford to keep going on diets and pay for gym memberships because even the process itself makes me feel hideous, if that makes sense? And it ruins my mental health. One day I will lose weight, but so much is going on in my personal life I can’t make room for it now. But I wanna look in the mirror, regardless of it I’m large or not, and feel like a goddess. Sorry for the rant, just hoping to get some support and advice. Thank you!

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