2. How exactly do you love yourself? : stressLess-life

How exactly do you love yourself?

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I was in an abusive... relationship, with someone. And no matter how much they hurt me, abused me, tormented me, made me want to kill myself, ruined my life, I couldn't stay mad at them. I would always work to make them accept me back, and if there was an opportunity to get back with them, you'd best believe I'd take it. That relationship was already unhealthy in the first place.

It started affecting my other relationships. I found another person, but I couldn't really love the person. When the abusive person came back and reached out to me, I left the new girl for the abusive person, even though the new girl was kind and caring, but then the abusive person twisted things so then that new person joined the abusive person and left me all alone, with both of them hating me.

Then I found a person who looked almost like the abusive person. I hated seeing this new person. I wanted to pursue a relationship with this person, but obviously a relationship built on the fact that she looked like the abusive person was 1) Doomed to fail from the beginning and 2) Even if the relationship worked, it would be very disrespectful to her, and I honestly can't bring myself to do that.

As you can see, it seems the only love I have in my heart is dedicated to the abusive person. I can't even fall in love with other people. I physically/emotionally/literally can't get interested in other people.

Multiple people, even a therapist, told me to learn to love myself. But how? I keep hearing "Learn to love yourself," but explanations on how to do that is pretty vague. They say things like "Do something fun for yourself, like going shopping or buying things for your own sake," and I'm like, "Yeah, I always go into bring-eating and money-spending sprees when I'm depressed because of the abusive girl."

So yeah, how do I love myself?

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