2. Diving into self love has just made me more and more frustrated with myself : stressLess-life

Diving into self love has just made me more and more frustrated with myself

https://ift.tt/ONRX7kw

So after graduating college with still never having any romantic experience whatsoever except a few dates and a quick peck on the lips, I turned to all the resources I could find about lack of success in dating and feeling lonely and all that.

Pretty much everything led back to the age old "If you don't love yourself, how can you love anyone else?"

I also saw a lot about how you should invest in self improvement since you can't expect more out of a partner than you can offer yourself.

I eventually decided to give up actively dating and fully invest in self love/improvement. I got a therapist and started listening to self improvement podcasts. I started investing in things I had wanted to start up, like language learning and better skincare.

As I've continued along my self care journey, though, and really gotten deep into my self esteem issues, I've run into a big road block: I don't feel like I have any qualities or experiences that would allow me to see true value in myself or feel that I'm just "good enough by existing."

I know the whole point is that you are just that, good enough just by breathing and existing, but I just can't see the value in that for myself.

I started making a list of my positive quality and achievements, as per my therapists' instructions, and I found it really difficult cause it took me genuine mental effort to think of things I was genuinely proud of but, most importantly, even after reading all the things I listed I was simply not impressed.

One of the big questions on the sheet I was working on was "What are attributes I admire in others that I also have?"

I drew a blank. I admire other people around me BECAUSE they have beautiful qualities that I, myself, don't possess.

Another question is "If someone had my identical qualities, what would I admire in them?"

Another blank. I know people say to treat yourself like you would a friend or loved one but I know myself deeper than anyone else could know me. I know every single one of my flaws and shortcomings. I don't know that for anyone else and that is why I feel that I can and should be so critical of myself because no one else can know me like I do and no one else is responsible for my actions.

A big part of the self love journey is looking back at the experiences that may have contributed to low self esteem. I definitely feel that I have a lot of those: I faced quite a bit of alienation/isolation in elementary school for being "weird" and not really fitting in in a few of my classes, my crushes never showed any interest in me and guys never really paid much attention to me in general, my friend group that I spent most of my adolescent years with grew apart from me after they wanted to explore and experiment more and I wasn't really interested in doing what they were doing.

Looking back at these experiences from an adult perspective has made me understand that the other parties didn't really do anything wrong: I was a weird kid and still am someone who I'd say is kinda "weird," I've always had acne and never have really put as much effort into my appearance as I could to make myself as beautiful as possible, I can't blame others for developing other interests and growing out of friend groups.

All in all, this "self love journey" has just kinda made me find more validity in the reasons why I'm not satisfied with myself in the first place.

I don't feel any level of self validation, I still crave external validation. At least I know that if people choose to be around me, I'm doing something right. My self validation can be completely rooted in delusion.

I just continue to comfort myself with fantasies of someone loving me completely for who I am, even though I don't have much faith in that becoming reality, at least not without a ton of further work.

submitted by /u/atnhuiopwvvdgj
[link] [comments]








Related links


I want to know the mind and emotions of a man towa. I want to understand what he is thinking and feeling at any given time. I want to know what makes him happy and what makes him sad. I want to know what he fears and what motivates him. I want to know his hopes and dreams. I want to know everything about him.


Addiction Is Messy, But These Things Help Me Stay Clean


5 Ways to Use Movement (Not Exercise) to Support Your Mental Health


My Second Mother: When Someone Steps Up Like Family Never Did


just sitting silently


How to Release the Fear That Holds You Back and Keeps You Small


What Happiness Means and How I’m Boosting My Day-to-Day Joy


why am i always in one-sided relationships


Psychological behaviour of husband with his wife who failed in love before marriage


What makes you dislike yourself?


When You’re Ready for Change: You Need to Believe in Your Future Self


4 Anxiety-Calming Techniques I Wish I Used When I Freaked Out on a Plane


What type of doctors experience the most stress?


Why is it significant to overcome stress?


How I Stopped Chasing Men Who Hurt Me and Found Healthy Love : #stressless


Stay Comfortable


I have irrational thoughts that she’s better than me


Skills That You Can Learn From (A2) Trying Harder Isn\\\'t Always The Answer:stressLess-life.


How do we know what we want in our lives?


5 Simple Yet Essential Self Care Tips That Can Change Your Life


#2 . How do I stop putting my worth based on how men see me? : stressLess-life


Self love challenge - looking for a group to join!


People-Pleasers Are Liars: 3 Things We Gain When We’re Honest Instead


How to Deal With Low Moods: A 4-Step Plan to Help You Feel Better


One words to define love story Hater





does depression affect sperm quality


What is the difference between stress and emotions? The WHO has defined them as two different life skills and I am not able to make a difference.


What are some signs that show a lack of confidence in a person's speech or behavior?


Is it good to live hubby without love or marry to BF?


growing up as the only black member of a white family movie


separation anxiety mother symptoms


why self-love and self-care is important


I am very sad every day. I have decided not to live. What should I do?


why am i losing interest in things i used to love


never waste your feelings on someone who doesn't value your emotions meaning in hindi


I am very sad every day. I have decided not to live. What should I do?


Why is it significant to overcome stress?

Can-I-reduce-my-stress?

https://stressless-2021.blogspot.com/2022/06/reduce-my-stress.html

Getting Out Of A Slump

Me Exercising/dancing to Unbelievable by EMF. Not too great, but started doing this at 57 yrs......truly my inner child is coming out to play!:stressLess-life

Abandonment Issues



Increasing and practicing self worth and self love:stressLess-life

(A2) LIFE AND LOVE???:stressLess-life

Neon Genesis Evangelion and validating ones own existence:stressLess-life

Calmed myself down with loving energy.:stressLess-life

"Why do you forgive everyone but yourself?”:stressLess-life

How to accept belly fat?:stressLess-life



admiring myself all 2022 ??:stressLess-life



Self love feels so lonely:stressLess-life



Increasing and practicing self worth and self love:stressLess-life

(A2) LIFE AND LOVE???:stressLess-life

Neon Genesis Evangelion and validating ones own existence:stressLess-life

Calmed myself down with loving energy.:stressLess-life

"Why do you forgive everyone but yourself?”:stressLess-life

How to accept belly fat?:stressLess-life



admiring myself all 2022 ??:stressLess-life



Self love feels so lonely:stressLess-life









😄 " Forget the past; look forward to the future, for the best things are yet to come. ..... "