2. Struggling to embrace self love and overcome codependency, trauma and grief : stressLess-life

Struggling to embrace self love and overcome codependency, trauma and grief

https://ift.tt/NRAijWC

I (27F) have had a very traumatic life starting with physical and emotional abuse throughout my childhood. In early adulthood I entered into codependent relationships and friendships and have been revictimized in traumatic and abusive situations. I have treated those who were good to me as an escape from the abuse. I was diagnosed with “quiet” BPD (I now believe I am also autistic and that contributes to this feeling that I am different from other people and makes me sensitive to rejection) I am recently divorced from my ex wife (non abusive but still very codependent relationship from both ends). I unfortunately have lost one of my brothers and one of my closest friends in separate events (my brother was mrdered January 3 2022 and my friend passed from injuries sustained in a bad car accident March 16 2023) that were less than 14 months apart. I recently was feeling very depressed and sicidal while grieving following the recent passing of my friend and I was listening to a song (“My Wish” by the country band Rascal Flatts) and I realized that it felt like my friend was speaking to me through this song, and I realized that I have to learn how to love myself and be ok on my own. I have never known a time before pain and trauma and don’t really know who I am beyond that. But I want to try to get to know the real me and learn to love myself. I want to live for my brother and my friend because that is what they would want for me. They would want me to feel happy and safe and supported. I just don’t know where to start. How do I start healing and learn to love myself? I am willing to try anything at this point. I am committed to healing and bettering myself. I just need to figure out the first few steps.

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