2. How to love your self truly I’m messed up : stressLess-life

How to love your self truly I’m messed up

https://ift.tt/8B9MaqX

Hi to who is reading this I appreciate u for giving some of ur time to read my messy hurtful confusing life but I genuinely looking for help okay so I want an answer for these:

1)At the age of 4 yrs my parents constantly fighting and I was terrified , but on time my mom gave us a bath w my siblings and I suddenly touch my private area felt strong feeling and I think since that time I would touch before sleep so I will fall asleep Is that was a way to deal w the stress I experienced at that time ? Btw when I have too much exam I don’t know why I get arousal like too much and it would affect my study what is that mean and how to fix it bcz it literally affecting my life

2) by the age of like 12 I think couple of time when I meet my uncle who I used to act normally w him I just feel sooo shy and the way I look at him is misunderstood and they will be confused w me why I’m doing like that … but in a weird way I think it related to an incidence when I had my first period by the age of 10 yr and I usually would take a shower 3 times or 2 times daily and I would leave the bath door open bcz that what I do since younger age and one time my dad came and saw me taking shower I was shock but what shock the way he looked at me and the words he told me were inappropriate and made me feel so unsafe and btw I stopped to take shower for days I don’t know if that bcz of this incident

3) my biggest issue till this day that I’m suffering I can’t imagine being in relationship all my life I hate guys but at the same time I want to feel love and desired and be in relationship every time I start talking to a man I either dumb or just friend for very short time My OCD would say they don’t like you ur not good enough u don’t look good they don’t take u seriously ur dumb stupid easily manipulated u don’t have anything to offer Men care about appearance Men are judgy Men can’t be trusted Men are scary And I wonder how there are love and relationship exist what is the key never knew it never learn it I’m zero at all relationships things If ur still reading I can’t say a word would describe ur amazing thank u

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