2. So wrapped up in looks/ rant : stressLess-life

So wrapped up in looks/ rant

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Hi there. Before you judge what I’m going to say please hear me out! I realize this isn’t a common perspective in this thread and it’s hard to put into words how I feel but I’m going to try.

I am 21, a retired college soccer player and athlete trainer by profession. I am a bodybuilder, 5’5 and 155lbs currently with a thyroid condition as well. I KNOW that I am not obese. That being said, I feel fat. Constantly. All I see is the cellulite on the back of my thighs. The way my bathing suit bottoms dig into my hips a bit. The back of my arms when I pass a mirror. It’s all encompassing, and I worry all day about how I am being perceived. I know that half the battle is the circles I surround myself with is no cohesive with “real life” given my hobbies and profession, but I don’t see that as an excuse because I will always hold myself to a high standard.

I’m a good person, and a caring person and I try so hard to focus on that, but every time I go back to that I’m so chunky despite my efforts and I think about it so much it ruins my mood, and effects all other aspects of my life like vacations, I won’t let people take pictures of me, etc and so much more. I just want to love myself, for the life of my I can’t put my value in who I am and I know my thinking is so flawed.

If anyone has ANY advice it would be greatly appreciated. Again I know it’s strange perspective as to the outside world I’m apparently in okay shape, but I feel like people lie to me or that I still look so horrible. I think I expect to look a certain way and therefore I think others do as well.

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